Saturday, January 07, 2012
It is quite a bad fri to start and end with. I wonder is God testing my faith for him, he wan me to trust him or is he trying to show me something... I dunno what did I do to deserve such thing in life, ppl tell me value family 1st more than anything. I did and I try my very best to put in effort. But it seem to be like everyone in my family is not doing that. No one wan to bother about it, everyone just live with their own selfish life, when things goes wrong they start point finger.
When I received the call from mum.. I know something wasn't right, my guessing was right.. She was telling me the problem and etc.. Surpising I wasn't that angry, maybe I expected such thing will happen. If I blame mum for it does it help? if I scream at her will everything be the same? I am so tired that such thing will happen at least once a year, it become a normal thingy as part of my life. As I was abt to end the call my mum even shoot the problem to me.. She claim that I am behind all these incident.... When I hear such thing, I am totally speechless. Is because of my bad record or izzit because she is angry with the incident. I am angry, piss and disappointed. I can't believe such words will come out from my own mother. The woman I love and respect the most. Maybe I have bad attitude that no one will believe it. I am at the edge of tearing, I wish I can hug someone at that moment. I keep asking myself why why why?? Why it happen to me, why does it happen to my family, why must end with it like this???
She always tell me no matter what family will always be there for u when u needed help but now it seem to be so untrue. The more I wan to believe the more unexpected thing is coming up to let me cannot believe it. Who can't understand what I am going thru, who will believe that I am really innocent?? I really wonder..
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:37 AM
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