Saturday, April 09, 2011
I have done my part as a sister, everything is fated as it is. Sometime i wonder why r u so different from others, why must u do things that upset others. Why cant u just behave like other kids or just be urself. I cant help but to find someone to pour out my sorrow and of cause naturally i msg her. I know i shouldnt.. i know it all along but i dunno why the hell i did it again and again and again... my sister tell me this.. 'jie i cant be there for u when u need someone talk to or a shoulder to cry on' when i hear that i cry even more.. she say i must learn how to be accept loneliness and be myself.
SHe is still young, so much bright future ahead. There are so many dream and things for her to fulfill but she choose to lead this kind of life. Sometime i blame myself for indirectly leading her to this kind of life, when i see her i see myself back to when i was 17yr old. How much i dont like to go hm, how much i like to hang out with my shitty frens, Someone came to me and change me at that point of time, if i didnt take ur advice i think i will be more shitty than her.
Sometime i feel so jealous when my frens or gf have a so call prefect family. Although their family life are very simple, some might not be complete but i can feel love within their family. She used to ask me why i dont go hm and keep nagging me to go hm and etc.. but the main reason why i m not going hm because i dont feel love at hm. Everyone in my family is living in their own world, doing their own things. No one bother abt u and no one care. So when ppl always tell me end of the day family is the most important thing and they will only be there for u. I totally agree with that but when i think back when i really have emotion needs where are my family? They wasnt there for me when i needed those emotion needs.
Since things are fated in my sister life, i cant do much also. I only can wait for the judgement day and see how things is being judge in her life. Am i afraid of judgement day? myabe not.. cause i believe God dont judge ppl because we love him. My sister was asking me when i can bring her to overseas before ur judgement day.. she never have such a good life to go travel around the world like me.. to her love and money is her everythng. I was thinking since i bought the ticket for dee and she also wan to go for a trip soon, if i suggest thing to this to ask her to go travel with us do u think she will agree... I doubt so cause she will still think that i got feeling for her and etc.. she will say she is not comfortable with me and etc.. I dunno i will try to ask her.. since i already book so not much different to ask her to go.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:17 AM
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