Thursday, December 09, 2010
Kenny chong left us yesterday morning.. i didnt know abt it till late night... When i got the news i was really lost.. i dont know what to do, i dont know who to turn to. The 1st person who got into my mind was her.. naturally i msg her.. I told her 1 of our classmate pass away.. I dont know why but when it come to this kind of life and dead thingy.. i am very emo toward it. Maybe because i have really lost someone close and important to me, that someone in my life i will never forget. I cried and cried over and over again.. didnt know that she was sick too. I know at that point of of time i shouldnt have talk to her or even msg her, but i cant help but to turn to her.
I am just throwing my feeling toward her, i wish she was around for me to hug and cry. Telling her how much i need her, letting her know how lost i am. She extended her kindness to me, willing to give a try to meet up with me after kenny's wake. I was abit lost to meet her anot.. but still i decide to give a try although i wasnt prepare.
We met finally.. the feeling was abit funny for the 1st 30seconds.. soon we ice break and started to talk. It is quite easy for both of us to sink in together.. soon things seem to be 'ok' within us. We talk for a while and she decided to move back hm.. it was quite of funny to enter into her house / her room.. since the last time i move out from her place. The talk that we have seem to be endless.. although is just the 1 way talking from my side but i know that she is listening to it seriously.. i talk abt work to home to school to friends and etc...
I dont dare to look into her eyes cause i am so afraid that i will fall in love with her again.. i am so afraid that i will have the feeling to go over to her and kiss her. I keep looking else where so that end of the day we will still have a chance to talk again.. I wish that this talk will never end.. i wish that i could have this every single day with you and just you... I saw that you are getting more and more independent.. you look grown up to me.. you begin to understand yourself better. When i saw that you are so sick.. i cant help but to take care of you.. cant help but to feed you medi.. I wish that i could be there to hug you and be there for you when you needed someone. I stay on so that i could at least watch you to fall asleep even thought i cant be the one to kiss you goodnight.. When i see you slowly fall asleep I feel a peace at my heart... i wish to tell you how much i feel abt you.. how much i wish to lay beside you and tuck you to sleep. After seeing you fall asleep i off the light and close the door, hope u sleep well after i left.
The knot inside my heart seem to be loosen but still.. the feeling seem to be coming that.. that i not what i want.. I just hope that 1 day everything gonna be fine.. we will talk till the next morning.. just the 2 of us and no one else.. no hp, no tv.. nothing else.. but us. I still wish to say.. yesterday was a good meet up session.. i hope we can meet up soon... I miss you sillypig.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:20 AM
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