Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I was rearranging my stuffs on my comp, found those folders that i created for you. The photos, notes and etc.. i look through again and again.. thinking that all these was just like few days ago. Listen to our 'fav song, Beautiful by Punkd1' Do u still remember the 1st time i intro you to this song.. it is so meaningful that every single phase i remembered.
I opened up my hotmail, that folder that have been sitting inside for the past 2yrs which i cant bear to del them. I read through those email again and again.. I cant help but to cry again. Those 'dreams' that we shared together, we only can fufill 1 dream together which is the painting and design of your bedroom. I am happy at least we shared something before, unless you decide to change your room concept again.
You used to said: "do u noe, what i enjoy most about our talks, its talking back about our past, remembering those happy stupid times together. it'll always make me smile to sleep." Do you know Whenever when we quarrel or when i am sad i will always look through those email again and again because i know end of the day my baby still love me like before.
I used to think our love will be long lasting, your passion love for me will never die. 2 heart pump together just like one, never fail to love each other. Those memories is so easy to remember and hard to forget, 365 days almost every single day is fill up with you.
I sat in my bedroom alone in the dark, crying at 1 corner. Thinking abt 'us' and the past r/s, how we get from nobody to somebody. From the start i should have expected this will end anytime, there is a timeline given by you (if you still remember,59days). Time is up, i got to let go. I fall deep and flat on the ground, i feel pain and helpless. No one pick me up, no one understand what is going on.
I told myself, this is all along what you want. Everyone is selfish that incl me as well, cant accept the fact is always the problem. If holding you will creat more unhappiness so what is the point of having you. As i say to before that you have grown up already, you should know what you are doing now. I am not there to be your angel anymore, the spark of love have died long ago.
I took the courage to take you and your frens out from all my contact list not because i dont want you to know abt me but more on i dont want to know about you. I look through the folders, emails, photos, ipod notes so many time and i made a decision to leave them. It is painful really really painful, i wish that those never happened. Blame me for being selfish, self centered or anything you want to say. Since this used haunt you for the past few months now i am having this feeling that is haunting me.
I made alot of promise to you whether via email or talks but some i also never fufill now i guess time to keep my promise. I will not cry for you anymore, i will not smile for you anymore. I will go back to my old self again.
You used to said: "thanks baby! your 'i love you's and 'i miss you's make me smile, make my heart smile and melt all the time. your confirmation makes me feel that its worth going thru all this. because i noe that no matter what. you'll be there for me. until the day u dun love me. =) i love my darling baby! =D" Now is not that i dont love you, is you choose not to love me. I never blame you for it cause you are still a young kid, there are always changes in life.
P.S: Emo kid, having you was the most happiest thing that i ever have, you should know it by now. I never felt so love before, i never love someone so deep before. Thanks for teaching me how to love and treasure you. I am glad that i did make your past 2years a happy memories with lotz and lotz of laugher and joy. I hope those silly thingy will always be remembered, even before we were together.
When you have really lost someone than you realise the importantness of the person. Maybe you are still young or maybe you have not lost someone important yet that why you dont know how to treasure (not refering to me). Sometime once lost cannot be found again, no matter how hard you try it will not be the same. I promise this will be the last blog for you, because if i keep talking abt you there will never be a close chapter for both of us.
You choose to leave this than dont step in again, dont leave footprint around my heart cause it is hard to get the off.
Maybe we will never meet again, Maybe we will never talk again.
I would just like to say
Maybe for the very last time
Just let go of everything
I guess this is the time
Maybe you've changed
Maybe the feeling is lost
Should we meet again
Please don't ask about the feelings that i left behind
About what we left behind
Leaving your dreams behind
Open your heart to the times we had together
Maybe you've changed
Maybe the feeling is lost
Don't you ask again
Just keep all your regrets with you
Just forget all the love you gave me
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:12 AM
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