Thursday, September 02, 2010
Yesterday was school day didnt really enjoy my class cause everyone is quite. It was a small group of us and the subject are just plain boring. The whole entire duration of the class i didnt talk at all, whenever outside have a big group of ppl making noise it just make me think of her. When home yesterday alone but dunno why i thought i am sending her back. As i was riding and going in between cars i give a pat on the back but realise that she wasnt on the bike.. dunno why also happily just ride and ride and end up at her place. I was like wtf.. why am i at her place?
Stupidly ride home again, wanna to msg her to tell her how stupid i am but still what does it proof to her. It proof nothing but more stupidilty action that i have done on her. Today was so call looking forward to see her since she 'agree' to meet up with mel and gang. Evening receive msg say not meeting cause she meeting other ppl, than again wan to pick her up after her meetup. Of cause got rejected (as usual nothing new) and i know if i contiune to talk 'rubbish' to her i will end up quarrelling with her.
I guess my life will not be better after i know that for the next 3mths every weekend will we spend 3hrs in the same room together. I guess we will not talk or maybe less talk. I will choose sit which is infront so that i dont need to see her during class. Yes she is my world, my everything. I am her nobody and nothing. I know now she need is time to so call her term of fade things away... she rather go through this than accept the fact..
Met up with bev as well, so long never meet her. Talk to her about me and DT, told her that how me and DT started... it just make me happy for that moment..
She also cant believe that i can be so honest and faithful for this r/s, like wat she say.. DT was too innocent to be cheated. Maybe i commit and love her too much than i have lost myself in this love r/s. Diva used to tell me this: when u get older as time past you will begin to treasure ur r/s and love ur partner more. I will stsrt to think abt planning the future and settle down with them. I almost plan that with DT and i also think of 'settle down' with DT. I guess these are all PLAN and they are really just PLAN... It will not happen again, never ever again.
Although how much DT wanna to 'care' for me but she just coudlnt bring herself to do that because her mind and heart tell her not to get close to me (this monster). No matter how much i wish to say i miss DT and tell DT i love her i cant do that. I wish to tell DT how tired and how much i wish to get some encourgement from her but i couldnt... I am at my last breath doing all these, my last run for everything. I think i will fall any moment, i will breakdown anytime.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:59 PM
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