Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Finally i cant take it anymore, i cant keep on pretending to smile and thinking that nothing have happen. I make ppls listen to my problem because i want someone to let me her lending ears, i dont care after that do they understand what am i talking about but i know if i dont let it out i will be worse. I try alot of ways not to think about it and finding things to do jsut to avoid the thinking, when i am sad i will start building up lego to make myself happier but this time again i did it on my own. I finally broke down and cry just now, having a mind set on telling myself to move on and dont think of anything anymore. The love that we shared wasnt there anymore, no matter how much affort you put it in after all it doesnt change the fact of what it is now.
I have already given my last words and done my part, i am lost i really dont know what to do and how to move on. I throw my temper at you because i want to get attention from you, I always try to get drunk because i dont wish to think so much just hope that you can be by myside. When i have plan for holiday the 1st person i think was you and no one else, when i have trouble the 1st person i wish to call was also you. When i have trouble at work i wish that i could just call you and tell you about my problem. I have always bring you to attend any of my families event or any of my friends parties because i am proud to have you by myself. It's my job to wake you up early everyday for work or for school, it's my job to make you coffee and bring you newspaper as you have a hard time at night take care of me and shannon.
I can say that you are the prefect soulmate that i ever had, you shared the joy and sadness with me and being there for me without fail. You pick me up at my most down point and you change me to another person who know what is life. I am nothing as compare to anyone, not even someone to be pity with love and there you are giving me unconditionally love and trust which it suppose to be prefect but i just dont treasure it. Lie and honesty are not suppose to blend it together they dont go well at all but i just simply dont understand the meaning of lie and the meaning of honesty till i being to lsot someone that i really love.
The precious chances so given so many times till my 10 little fingers and 10 tiny toes are short of it and in the end after using up all the chance i still dont get it into my nutshell brain. I guess perharps my thinking that i might get a chance again cause it's always the same mistake that is being repeat over and over agian. When i being to be honest the final nail was broken, it's over between us that was the last words that was said to me. I knew no more those sweet things anymore and no more phonecall, i feel scared and confused at that point thinking that why when i decide to be honest everything start to turn bad.
I have alot of changes in my life before we broke up, i have just change my job, i have just started my night classes. I have alot alot more and at this point i am stuck because you are not giving me anymore direction. I try not to let this affect me but after all it does affect me alot alot and i cant see the purpose in life. I guess you make a big impact in my life sometime i really dont know how did i move on for the past few years.
I know you are also not doing well and you a strong outside trying to pretend that everything is good. I know deep down in your heart you still love her alot if not you wouldnt avoid me, i can see that she make a big part in your life that why you feel so sad over this. All i want to say is there i am always here for you if you needed someone to talk to anytime just give me a call. You dont be so stubborn over it cause it's not good for health the more you keep it the more you feel like letting go, sometimes you wish to share but i can tell that i am not the right person to do so.
till love fades you will understand to value every
wonderful scenery but he has already left
till you are convinced, he's already gone and has no recollection of you
the ultimate you start a passage of struggle
you really love him, why not keep him back
why not reveal your mind's thoughts
you profoundly love him and everyone knows that
you really love her why not keep him back
is it there's two sides of him that you profoundly
thus you are reluctant to let yourself be entrenched deeply in
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:02 AM
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