Saturday, April 30, 2005
7pm in the evening, everything change my life i no long worry about my mama shop again no more mama shop no more late for work, no more nagging for my ah ma, no more doing month end report liao everything is over and over. I feel so useless and shameful of myself, i know you guys are curious why and you wan to know but i catn tell u guy now.
I am feeingl shit, the shitty feeling is so shit that nothing can beats it. I have very long didnt have this kind of rubbish feeling, lotz of noises are everywhere, qus are popping in and out of mine mind and you are running around look for soultion thinking running is the best way to get away with it. I really let down ah ma she really try hard to get me back at work and yet i didnt trasure of wat she given it to me and in the fact i make a fool out of myself.
I really feel so suxkly i wonder wat will life be for me tml, no need to travel to a place where i have been traveling for the pass 2 years, no more morning red bulls and nag from ah ma to tidy up the mama shop. I dun wan this to happen but my most fearful moment had jus happen in the evening.
I couldnt say that she is cruel that she rather see me die then live on, i couldnt say that hubby is selfish cause i know he got bright future, things is i create one i will go solve it myself and ya i ended my journery of life at 8pm. A very unglam farewell, i was no angry with ah ma but holding back my tears before it drop out. I know this day will happen jus soon or later well i didnt expect to be so soon, but still i got a death sentence in my life. I dun see darkness or sunshine my life now should be black&white i guess cause everything seem to be so blindly created for me.
I didnt actually tell this to my mum, not that i dont wan her to worry jus that i dun wan to see her sad over my things she know i am love this place alot and i am leaving now. I wouldnt be able to see much ppls there liao all my effort all these months and years is gone down the drain, my future is ruin by me wow.... so great huh....
I feel so lost now the kind of lost feel is jus losing ur familes member or your beloved one, i mean ya there is nothing good or nice about them for me to miss but i really sadly deep down inside. I cry but it doesnt help and i share my sorrow but still the pinch of pain is inside my heart., wan to forget but i cant. The incident is running and stuck in my mind, i try to way out to hide but still my true is to lie.
When the sky turn darker and darker hour by hour, loneliness is coming closer and closer the cold cold feeling running down your spine give you a gentle reminder that is late at night no piont holding on to wat you cant fright. The winner take it all, the loser live it on so that is life a cold and lonely life, sitting in the dark cosy room flipping through old note and picture. These memories remind you of the happiest moment you once have with them, is over and done nothing from the pass will bring it back to really life.
I wan to say again hubby, ah ma and coconee i am sorry for wat happen well you wouldnt be seeing me nor hear me again once this incident is over. My dear friends out there thank for being there for me when i'm trouble with life, alot of things i cant decide nor agree but in the end i will find the answer cause you guys are there for me. I know that i am childish in alot of way of wat i have done in the past liike i work they and way i understand things, i didnt wan to hurt anyone with an hard feeling that why i am like this, pls forgive me if i am wrong.
Ah ma i really wan to thank you cause you really mae it big part in my life giving me alot alot chance in life, when i am fall you will never fall to pick me up and build up my strength. I know you always think that i am the one who can work but lack for mature, I wan to let you know that you really show me how important i must take my job. The main things is the how to live my life with fufilment.
Hubby, Sorry we have to part each other by now i am really happy that i am with you all the time doing wat a wife should do. I know i may not be the perfect "wife" you have or you met in life but seriously do u know you are the nicest and the cutest hubby that i every had. I really will remember you in my life k, you have to go study better study hard and design good artpieces k. I wouldnt be around by your side anymore no longer having someone that nag at you asking you to stop playing your Ipod or PSP but seriously i really miss you dun ask me why. You must be good k listen and take care of you ah ma and dun be like me, i dont wan to see you joining me cause you got much more things to do in life.
Dear friend. ppls well i am not good with words nothing much i could say, well a full of crap me will write this kind of no IQ or EQ think for you all read liao is a waste of time and your interenet bill. I dunno wat to say also casue a childlish person is usually use action to say wat she wan to say, i dunnno where will i be like in the near future really wish to be back at where at belong again, start afresh with my black marks nor scars. Take care friends.
Life is full of lots of up and downs,
And the distance feels further when you're headed for the ground,
And there is nothing more painful than to let you're feelings take
you down,It's so hard to know the way you feel inside
When there's many thoughts and feelings that you hide,
But you might feel better if you let me walk with you by your side,
And when you need a shoulder to cry on,When you need a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,You won't be alone,
cause I'll be there,I'll be your shoulder to cry on
,I'll be there,I'll be a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,you won't be alone,
cause I'll be there. All of the times when everything is wrong
And you're feeling likeThere's no use going on
You can't give it upI hope you work it out and carry on
Side by side,With you till the endI'll always be the one to firmly hold your hand
no matter what is said or done
our love will always continue on
Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on
everyone needs a friend to rely on
When the whole world is goneyou won't be alone cause
I'll be thereI'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be thereI'll be the one you rely on
when the whole world's goneyou won't be alone
cause I'll be there! And when the whole world is gone
You'll always have my shoulder to cry on....
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:51 AM
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