Sunday, November 19, 2017
Why?
I thought i have paid of the karma and living a life that i dream about it, after so many missed i still a big loser in this game. Am i such a loser?? I thought it was an happy ending but in the end it still turn out to be the same. I missed her badly but i couldn’t voice myself out and i have to seriously stop myself from msging her, i am so tempted and desperate to do it!!
Why do other ppl they are love and family to her but to me i am not treated fairly.. didn’t i love her enough and i am will to change for her..
This moment is so hard to go thru..
Thursday, February 11, 2016
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:26 AM
We met after 10 over years, she is still that she I know. That smile that laugher is just who she is. I am so glad we talk it out, things that I kept In my heart for so long finally is told to the person I let down for so long. Given a chance again I will cherish her, hold her tight and never let her go.
When we were young we do a lot of foolish things especially doing things without thinking, when we lost it then we realize how important they are to us. But come to think about it if we don't do such foolish thing we will never know what is meant for us, what is important to us.
We talk about our past, those things we have done on each other. The good, the bad, the suffering, the joy, the crying, the sleepless night. All and all like it never end before, we can just keep on carry on and on.
Thank you for doing all these for me in the past, I am sorry I didn't give u my best, didn't give you my fullest. I hurt u the most, making u going thru things u shoudnt go thru during your younger days. 在分开以后我才知道我真的爱你！
You watch me grow up, you saw my changes, you know too well. All these will be with me all life. If we never fall In love and fall out of love I will never learn how to cherish ppl. Learn how to pick myself up and learn how to love ppl 120%.
Xoxo
Sn0wmam
Saturday, August 24, 2013
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:54 AM
I purpose blog this about you cause i know you will bloody read it, you like anot it is up to you. Everything i said to you before and said in this blog is all true, this is how much i hate this r/s.
I demand you could leave me as soon as possible, even i say it 1000 times and you agree that you will you will and you will leave me but end up still with me. Best part it just make ppl feel that i am the one who cant live without you, dying to have you around. It doesnt matter who cant live without who, if you feel better about saying is you who want to leave me or break up or dump me also can. I really just hate this r/s, i dont see a point of holding onto it. Weekly I have to go though this mental torture again and again from you.. the mind fxxk cycle i am going through no one will understand. I guess before you go crazy i should be the one going crazy.
Everyone know i have not been happy ever since i am with you, everyone i am ban from going out with my regular frens. As long as is ppl that you dont like all my poor frens will just get shit from you. The shit doesnt come directly from you but is from me, i have to do things that i am unwilling to do in order to make you happy. Everything i have before you was wonderful, i have frens who are there for me when i need them, i have fren to give me endless happiness. I have frens who celebrate my bday with joy and not making me cry.
I dont fancy gifts, cake, flower, big party. All i want is to spend a happy birthday, a birthday that everyone will rejoice. I dont want my weekend, bday, xmas, new yr, cny new all destroy by you.
You are selfish, never consider how i feel. You jealous ego is super high.. so high (you even jealous over dead ppl) till no one (be it guy or girl) want to be fren or close to me also will reconsider. As long as ppl know you are around that will just avoid me. You will never know how much shit i have gone through in order to balance my family, frens, work life and YOU!!!! All you concern is about no one will get into our r/s and make u unhappy. If you really love me let me go... that is what normal ppl will say.. but to you.. if u love me you will keep me by your side and torture me more. The more i suffer the more happy you are. You feel proud that all you plan work out. You feel good stepping on me, finding out all the things that you wish to know clearly.
Do you know when you have found out about my personal blog i really wish to kill you at that point of time. It make me feel so naked and all my pride have been eaten up by you. When i see your face that so proud face that... oh.. finally i found out about this blog, i am so clever... i really hate you hate you hate you for life. It is not that i have a secret to hide, just that i want some personal & private time to complain to 'someone' and will not be shoot back. You keep walking into my comfort zone, you keep trying your luck to proof to me how capable you are in walking into my comfort zone. I am not a puppet, i am not a dog, i am not your slave, i am not here to waste my time making your happy, let u vain you anger on me, let me find out all my private stuffs, let you check out all my past. I HAVE FXXKING FEELING, I AM A NORMAL HUMAN THAT WANT A PROPER R/S. YOU ARE WORSE THEN ANY GHOSTS OR MONSTERS, YOU BLOODY HAUNT ME DAY AND NIGHT.
I dont need to work according to your timeline, i dont need you to forgive me, i dont need to agree with me whether i am right or wrong, i dont need to sake for your permission to do things i like, i dont need to ask you for permission if i need to go out with frens, i dont need you to give me a chance, i dont need you to order me, i dont need you to be there for me, i dont need you to give me shit everyday, i dont need you to tell me what frens i should have, i dont need you to teach me how to manage my work, sch and $$$, in short i dont need anything from you, i dont need you to even pity me. I JUST DONT NEED YOU IN MY BLOODY LIFE, WHEN YOU GET OUT MY LIFE WILL HAVE SUNSHINE & RAINBOW. I WILL BE THE SAME OLD PERSON AGAIN, I WILL BE HAPPIER THEN EVER. THE FEELING IS HAPPIER THEN WINNING LOTTERY OR 1ST PRICE.
I believe my 1 and only bday wish every yr which i will keep repeat and repeat till i get you out of my life. It will be i wish to have an understanding gf and if you cant be understand you can leave anytime.
After reading this you may leave me, i will rejoice and be glad if you leave. I need my life back, i need my social frens, i need everything that i used to have back in my life. Stop coming in and leave your blooding footstep in my life, you are just making me hating you and hating this r/s more.
Monday, August 05, 2013
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:59 PM
It have been awhile since I written on my blog, a lot of up and down happened in my life. A lot of changes and unforgettable moment I have with Jen. I know it have been hard for her since the day she have been with me, the security thst I didn't provide her make her think more. Well when she don't throw her temper she can be the sweetest girl on earth but when she throw her temper it just make me lost my temper too. I don't like it whenever she compare herself with my exs, wat is there to compare? I love who u r and wat u can give, not changing urself to become others. Jen have been nice to me doing a lot of sweet thing to make me happy, give me surprise, make me special. I know I have not done anything for her and maybe nothing I can do will impress her. Her expection for everything is jus too high, nothing I candor will make her happy. I love her and I wan to do things for her, I dunno when I can really do something and she can be happy abt it. She bought me an early birthday present but I accidental damage it, I know if I don't tell her she will get piss off like mad so I decided to admit it. Although she doesn't look piss off or angry but I know deep inside her heart she wanna to kill me. Well it is my fault, is jus me that is careless. Jen u asked me why 1 day I can't behave and not pissing u off. I guess the day will come when u don't throw ur temper and lower ur expection.
Every thought so many thing happen but I still love u. I hope there will still room of Improvement as time goes by.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:33 AM
actually life will be much simple when you are single, you dont need to worry and think so much. Breaking up is part of life. When holding on to someone when we know it will be the same result. Simple thing like this show that end of the day you will still be alone, so get your feet up and move on.
Monday, February 18, 2013
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:41 PM
I am so tired so tired of fighting the same thing over and over again... all i just want is u to be there for me when i needed u and not demanding from me. Sometime to the extend i just want to escape out from you
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:43 AM
It have been so long since i am back here.. i guess here is a place where only 2 persons will know abt it and i used to have a all time reader who never fail to read my rubbish when she is bored.. but i guess now she dont read them anyhow.
Personally if close fren ask me how am i now.. i will tell him / her that my life is shit.. i am in stuck in something shitty which i dont have a choice.. staying on is for the sake of staying on.. on 1 hand i complain abt how about i abt it.. how much i wan that person to get out of my fxxking life.. on another hand my heart worry about the person.. It is a super shitty feeling that u r stuck not here not there... nothing much i can do but just to complain and let it be what it is.. choices is choose by me, so if i decide on it i just have to accept it and not blaming anybody.. Sometime i realise that i have lost my happiness.. i have lost that smile somewhere down the road.. i dunno where i kept it or where i lose it.. Friends who know me for years even notice the changes in me and my life.. they cant help but to ask why?? what happen.. my only answer is i choose the life myself and this is what i get in the end..
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:42 AM
I have a bad day today, a bad day that i dont wish to talk about it. Whenever I have a bad day i just thought about her, thought about our past. Sometime i wish to just listen to her voice or to see something from her so that i still can smile. Falling in love with the wrong person will causes alot of issue and trouble so choosing the right person to love is an very important thing.
I thought i can meet her today, it so happen she is at home and i am also available to meet her. Still the 'wish' doesnt come true, she is not feeling well and she sleep early. Poor dumbo your owner dont want to bring you home, even thought she love you. I dont know why naturally whenever i see dumbo i will want to get for DT, it is something that is in me. I also met another person who love dumbo alot or should i say elephant and we share alot of common talks but sad to say the person is taken.
Sometime good thing are hard to have so treasure what you have before is gone, good things are hard to come by.
XOXO,
Sn0w_MaN
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:37 AM
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