Saturday, August 24, 2013
I purpose blog this about you cause i know you will bloody read it, you like anot it is up to you. Everything i said to you before and said in this blog is all true, this is how much i hate this r/s.
I demand you could leave me as soon as possible, even i say it 1000 times and you agree that you will you will and you will leave me but end up still with me. Best part it just make ppl feel that i am the one who cant live without you, dying to have you around. It doesnt matter who cant live without who, if you feel better about saying is you who want to leave me or break up or dump me also can. I really just hate this r/s, i dont see a point of holding onto it. Weekly I have to go though this mental torture again and again from you.. the mind fxxk cycle i am going through no one will understand. I guess before you go crazy i should be the one going crazy.
Everyone know i have not been happy ever since i am with you, everyone i am ban from going out with my regular frens. As long as is ppl that you dont like all my poor frens will just get shit from you. The shit doesnt come directly from you but is from me, i have to do things that i am unwilling to do in order to make you happy. Everything i have before you was wonderful, i have frens who are there for me when i need them, i have fren to give me endless happiness. I have frens who celebrate my bday with joy and not making me cry.
I dont fancy gifts, cake, flower, big party. All i want is to spend a happy birthday, a birthday that everyone will rejoice. I dont want my weekend, bday, xmas, new yr, cny new all destroy by you.
You are selfish, never consider how i feel. You jealous ego is super high.. so high (you even jealous over dead ppl) till no one (be it guy or girl) want to be fren or close to me also will reconsider. As long as ppl know you are around that will just avoid me. You will never know how much shit i have gone through in order to balance my family, frens, work life and YOU!!!! All you concern is about no one will get into our r/s and make u unhappy. If you really love me let me go... that is what normal ppl will say.. but to you.. if u love me you will keep me by your side and torture me more. The more i suffer the more happy you are. You feel proud that all you plan work out. You feel good stepping on me, finding out all the things that you wish to know clearly.
Do you know when you have found out about my personal blog i really wish to kill you at that point of time. It make me feel so naked and all my pride have been eaten up by you. When i see your face that so proud face that... oh.. finally i found out about this blog, i am so clever... i really hate you hate you hate you for life. It is not that i have a secret to hide, just that i want some personal & private time to complain to 'someone' and will not be shoot back. You keep walking into my comfort zone, you keep trying your luck to proof to me how capable you are in walking into my comfort zone. I am not a puppet, i am not a dog, i am not your slave, i am not here to waste my time making your happy, let u vain you anger on me, let me find out all my private stuffs, let you check out all my past. I HAVE FXXKING FEELING, I AM A NORMAL HUMAN THAT WANT A PROPER R/S. YOU ARE WORSE THEN ANY GHOSTS OR MONSTERS, YOU BLOODY HAUNT ME DAY AND NIGHT.
I dont need to work according to your timeline, i dont need you to forgive me, i dont need to agree with me whether i am right or wrong, i dont need to sake for your permission to do things i like, i dont need to ask you for permission if i need to go out with frens, i dont need you to give me a chance, i dont need you to order me, i dont need you to be there for me, i dont need you to give me shit everyday, i dont need you to tell me what frens i should have, i dont need you to teach me how to manage my work, sch and $$$, in short i dont need anything from you, i dont need you to even pity me. I JUST DONT NEED YOU IN MY BLOODY LIFE, WHEN YOU GET OUT MY LIFE WILL HAVE SUNSHINE & RAINBOW. I WILL BE THE SAME OLD PERSON AGAIN, I WILL BE HAPPIER THEN EVER. THE FEELING IS HAPPIER THEN WINNING LOTTERY OR 1ST PRICE.
I believe my 1 and only bday wish every yr which i will keep repeat and repeat till i get you out of my life. It will be i wish to have an understanding gf and if you cant be understand you can leave anytime.
After reading this you may leave me, i will rejoice and be glad if you leave. I need my life back, i need my social frens, i need everything that i used to have back in my life. Stop coming in and leave your blooding footstep in my life, you are just making me hating you and hating this r/s more.
Monday, August 05, 2013
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:59 PM
It have been awhile since I written on my blog, a lot of up and down happened in my life. A lot of changes and unforgettable moment I have with Jen. I know it have been hard for her since the day she have been with me, the security thst I didn't provide her make her think more. Well when she don't throw her temper she can be the sweetest girl on earth but when she throw her temper it just make me lost my temper too. I don't like it whenever she compare herself with my exs, wat is there to compare? I love who u r and wat u can give, not changing urself to become others. Jen have been nice to me doing a lot of sweet thing to make me happy, give me surprise, make me special. I know I have not done anything for her and maybe nothing I can do will impress her. Her expection for everything is jus too high, nothing I candor will make her happy. I love her and I wan to do things for her, I dunno when I can really do something and she can be happy abt it. She bought me an early birthday present but I accidental damage it, I know if I don't tell her she will get piss off like mad so I decided to admit it. Although she doesn't look piss off or angry but I know deep inside her heart she wanna to kill me. Well it is my fault, is jus me that is careless. Jen u asked me why 1 day I can't behave and not pissing u off. I guess the day will come when u don't throw ur temper and lower ur expection.
Every thought so many thing happen but I still love u. I hope there will still room of Improvement as time goes by.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:33 AM
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