Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
Here’s the word I need today... calm... for a Monday, with a busy week ahead of work, needing to focus, and not get overwhelmed.... alongside all the life stuff that comes my way. I'd like to be calm.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:10 AM
Friday, January 20, 2012
sometime i just got the that kind of stupid feeling that we are just like some divorced couple.. this kind of stupid feeling just keep going around my mind.. wondering why do i have such a thought..
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:40 AM
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
People tell me to believe in family love.. tell me to love them more cause they are the only one that will be there for us when we needed them. I try very hard to believe in what others tell me, i try to feel the love that i have from this family but instead of love we exchange more ugly greeting. We dont see eye to eye.. everyone behave selfish or maybe i am the selfish one. They hold hand in hand and i am the only odd one out.. Maybe i am the problem one that i cant see the problem myself, maybe i am the one who keep pointing finger at others but not myself.
I dunno what else i can do to make this family better.. I was at her house just now, sitting at the playground alone. I was asking myself should i msg her, to ask her kept me for 1 night. Telling her that i just dont feel like going home, tell her that i just need a listening ear, i just wish that someone that i trusted the most and understand me the most r there for me when i needed someone.
I was crying.. crying so badly like a little child. I ask God for direction, i ask God what else i can do to make it better, he say to my heart.. cry out loud.. i will give u my shoulder to cry on. Sometime i dont understand why do i still pretend i am alright when i know my heart is not doing well. I wish she was there when all these happen at least i will not feel so left out.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:28 AM
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Have you been so lost that in ur life u dunno what to do... keeping asking God for help but seem to be like.. he also dont want to bother about u.. There are so many reason why behind every story that we have.. but end of the day we just need to have some faith with him. I was once lost and God found me back, i cried so badly and no one was around.. but God pick me up and say... Child.. i am always here for u no matter what happen. He told me that i just have to be patient with what i am having.. this is the process of life.. i just have to learn to accept them.
I am not the best person to believe in him.. but sometime we just have to some faith in order to realise that God is actually around.. now.. i just hope this yr will be a good yr for me to move on.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:32 AM
Saturday, January 07, 2012
This was taken in 1st day of 2012, i have a beautiful sunny sunday and i thank God for the amazing sunset he have given to me. I told myself this is gonna be a new start for me and everything gonna start new. I pray and ask for peace in the heart, pray to ask God that maybe me and her will talk again. I know i shouldnt look back anymore, i should let those things behind and move on. We met again in class.. i dunno how to behave when i met her but i am surprise my heart no longer pump for her. My heart become flat and i couldnt feel any beat, i wonder why? Have i gotten over her or have i just gotten used to this kind of feeling.. i ask myself again the same qus.. i did my heart check and i realise that i might begin to learn how to accept the fact. We become stranger, we hardly talk, we hardly have eye to eye contact, I saw the change in her outfit and looks, she becoming more mature, more womanly. I am really happy for her and just hope she is also happy with what she is doing now.
There are so many time that i wish to ask her out for a chat but i realise we can no longer be like last time again. Maybe the person we love the most no longer can be friends again. Because it is hard to accept the fact the either one have broken that precious heart. So many things wanna to ask and talk about it.. but does it matter to ask or to know about it. I guess i am just a random person in her list of friends, perhaps it is just a common name that she will remember only.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:21 AM
It is quite a bad fri to start and end with. I wonder is God testing my faith for him, he wan me to trust him or is he trying to show me something... I dunno what did I do to deserve such thing in life, ppl tell me value family 1st more than anything. I did and I try my very best to put in effort. But it seem to be like everyone in my family is not doing that. No one wan to bother about it, everyone just live with their own selfish life, when things goes wrong they start point finger.
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
When I received the call from mum.. I know something wasn't right, my guessing was right.. She was telling me the problem and etc.. Surpising I wasn't that angry, maybe I expected such thing will happen. If I blame mum for it does it help? if I scream at her will everything be the same? I am so tired that such thing will happen at least once a year, it become a normal thingy as part of my life. As I was abt to end the call my mum even shoot the problem to me.. She claim that I am behind all these incident.... When I hear such thing, I am totally speechless. Is because of my bad record or izzit because she is angry with the incident. I am angry, piss and disappointed. I can't believe such words will come out from my own mother. The woman I love and respect the most. Maybe I have bad attitude that no one will believe it. I am at the edge of tearing, I wish I can hug someone at that moment. I keep asking myself why why why?? Why it happen to me, why does it happen to my family, why must end with it like this???
She always tell me no matter what family will always be there for u when u needed help but now it seem to be so untrue. The more I wan to believe the more unexpected thing is coming up to let me cannot believe it. Who can't understand what I am going thru, who will believe that I am really innocent?? I really wonder..
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:37 AM
不想要假期 我没地方可去
不需要狂欢 人群只是空虚
多数的关心 只是嘴上说而已
真正懂我的人是自己
我的眼睛 一做梦就看到你
一闭上就想哭泣
笑容忽然间变成奢侈品
我的生活 充满了和你有关的记忆
每每靠近 满城风雨
就让我忙得疯掉 忙得累到
连哭的时间都没有最好
就让我忙的忘掉 你的怀抱
它曾带给我的美好
当有人问好不好 怕伤心夺眶
就咬牙说我很忙
这完美的谎 完美的伪装
才让我的痛 没人看到
你在哪里 曾是每天要问你的一句
我要戒断 这种恶习
当一个麻痹的人 那有多好
心里美别的只有忙忙忙
工作是一种抵抗 一帖解药
人怎能被想念打倒
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:46 AM
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