Since our last trip i am sort of hanging over her.. somehow her image keep running thru my mind.. Although i am tired but before i hit on my bed i will just thought abt her. Over the weekend before monday i rush to town after work just to find that prefect gift for her but.. still it didnt work out till monday morning. I already roughly know what to get just the matter of choosing the prefect gift. Even i have gotten her 1 gift back then a few months ago but i still feel i shouldnt give that to her, so i decide to buy her a gift again. I thought surprises will work out on her bday but i was wrong.. my surprises fail. No wonder she hate surprise so much, cause sometime it added more trouble than surprise. Although we are no longer together but still i send her the roses, these roses was pre order last year. The beautiful red roses with her fav color wrapping will just be prefect for her. I know maybe sending her roses doesnt really sound good as currently she is attach, that person might get jealous.. but she should know there is no hidden meaning to it. I dont keep secret on her, i am open to her, although sometime certain things i do deny abt it.

I hope she spent her bday well and meaningfully.. and of cause hoping that she do like that 'vintage' watch.. it is kind of not her cup of tea but guess it might be useful for her.. P.S the watch come with a special engrave cause it is a limited edition. Anyway aonther year have past soon i think she and him is gonna be together for a year.. really dont know how are they doing.. i dont intend to ask her not that i dont concern abt her but more on even i ask she will not say. Sometime she give me a kind of feeling that she wanna to settle down with him.. She sound like he is the one for her.. is he really the one?? nobody know.. only she know. Last time i thought J was also the one.. but still guys being guys.. will never change.. he still do things behind me.. he still pretend things never happen whenever we talk abt the same quarrel again and again. I always express myself when i come to r/s.. i want to talk things out.. i dont wan to hide here and there.. i like playing guessing game. Sometime such things really hurt me for being too true and direct.. but i rather know the truth now than later on both party suffer.

From the start SP give me a kind of feeling that she love him more than he love her.. well... since she claim that she is happy i shouldnt doubt her.. although we are no longer together anymore but i am always there for her if she needed someone... Maybe i am not fit to be the 1st or the right person to listen to all these crap.. but i dont might even thought she just come to me and throw out those problem.. Like she said on my bday card.. although we are still no ready to talk face to face but there are always something call email.. she can always email me.

Although the time we spend on the piggy holiday was short but i guess that was the best moment for the year, i know she totally ignore me on the trip. If she can dont wan to have any contact with me i think she will feel better, sometime i do felt abit left out from the 3 of us. i being to have lesser talk with them.. or less common things in mind.. Well since is over let it be over.. hopefully there will be more to come.. maybe next year.. and i just hope our barrier will soon be over.

一开始我以为爱本来会很容易
所以没有经过允许就把你放心底
直到后来有一天你和他走在一起
我才发现原来爱情不是真心就可以

我感动天感动地怎么感动不了你
明明知道没有结局却还死心塌地
我感动天感动地怎么感动不了你
总相信爱情会有奇迹都是我骗自己


以为自己不再去想你
保持不被刺痛的距离
就算早已忘了我自己
却还想要知道你的消息

i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at 2:28 AM