Monday, August 29, 2011
today is her bday.. got her a special birthday present... i got her a watch.. didnt know the watch have a special engrave but i love them!!!! Anyway given her 15stalks of red roses and that small little vintage watch, i hope she will love the present. Last night i totally forgot that after midnight will be her bday and i head to her house empty handed... erm.. cause i didnt expect her to be at home and 2nd i really slip off my mind that sort of today is her bday... haiz.. to many things in my mind and we no longer celebrate together so sometime i might just forget. Anyway at least i order her flower in advance and seriously i love my florist.. she know what i want and she actually remind me again.. about sending it to her.. Saw that fresh beautiful flower this morning,,, it just make my heart smile (: hoping that she will like it too.. I wish i was the one sending this surprise to her... but.. nah.. i dont get to do that.. Well as long as she spend her bday well i am happy already.. dee happy birthday once again!!! another year have past and i hope next year will be a better one.
Friday, August 26, 2011
xoxo,
Sn0wMaN
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
5:45 PM
I thought this trip will bring us closer but I just expected too much out of her. She really grow more indepedent now, no logger depedent much on others or maybe is just me. Sometime she give me a feeling of herself and sometime she give me a feeling of she pretending to be the stronger side of herself. I know her heart is not on this trip.. If she is given a choice she will not want to go for this trip.
Friday, August 19, 2011
I hope she did enjoy herself with smartpig.. Even though we dont talk much on this trip but at least I know that I can be there for her. Although I am not the best person for her but I am always there for her all the time. I don't know when will our next trip be again.. I know it is not soon but hope that there will still be more piggy trip coming along.
The attitude she give me is the same feeling I received 1yr ago.. Those small things I do will jus make her more unhappy toward me.. Maybe i really try too hard toward her.So I sometime i rather accept the cold treatment from her.. At least I can Make peace with her. 1yr ago I was on the same trip and things wasn't that bad... Something jus reflected back in my memories. Certain things shld stay and something must go. I only can give my full blessing to her and hopping that 1 fine day we will be ok again. This barrier that we have will always be there till the day that we have fully let go. Maybe till the day she is getting married or maybe I am getting married than we will no longer
have this barrier again.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
3:25 AM
I thought she have forgotten about it but I was wrong.. She remembered! Although the time that we meet is short but is the thoughts that counts. Seeing her so sick make me want to take care of her more. When I see her now and back then I see a change in her.. She become more mature and abit sensible. 1year have past and we still don't have the courage to face each other. The feeling I have for her is getting more and more neutral, I also don't know why.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Finally we are going for our trip.. I really hope that is a good trip.. Work is in a big mess but I am not gonna bother abt. I just gonna let it go.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
10:08 AM
Have she forgotten what day is today? Wil I be able to see her later??
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
4:20 PM
The best way to appreciate something is to be without it for awhile.
Friday, August 12, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
7:54 PM
Thursday, August 11, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:32 AM
I just realise whenever i thought about it somehow you sort of pop out from somewhere.. i was quite surprise to see you today.. didnt mean to be so not friendly toward you just that i really have a bad day at home before i head over to the exam hall. I dont know how to react to you when i see you, your walking pace was fast... feel like you are rushing for something.. I dont want to hold you back too.. so didnt know what to say. When where are at the junction that moment just remind me of how we part. I feel like we are stranger again.. the feeling that we part at the junction give me a feeling that we will never meet again. Seeing that familiar back shadow of yours make me think back about the past, those moment when we walk home together. I have so much to say.. yet i dont know how to express.. maybe i should just leave all these for next week when we are on our trip. I just hope it will be a good one.
Tuesday, August 09, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:16 AM
Everything is over.. I haven't do anything about it. Everythig happened for a reason, we can't control what is gonna happen. I am running, I run and run just want to run away from all my problem. I can't find the purpose in life, I need to find back myself 1st to understand what I really want. I seldom say I want to give up but today.. I really have the feeling and wanting to say I intend to give up. I can't hide anymore.. I have show my emo feeling toward my frens, I am not afraid of them knowing just that I dont like to share such things to with my frens. When frens concern abt me.. I feel bad.. I want to cry but I just can't pour it out. I can't see that light of path.. My road of life is so long, so long till I don't see any sign of help, any sign of stop and I don't even know where the end point. I just want to be away from the crowd, be alone and try to figure out what I really want.
Monday, August 08, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:46 PM
it have been a tough week for me.. exam is round the corner.. i have not done a single thing. I am so lost with every single thing. I am where to start and how to stop, i wish everything just stop. Leaving everything behind and live on a carefree life.. not gonna think and worry about tml. I seen to be like i can stand up on my feet, i feel like i keep falling.. i dont have the strength and courage to pick myself up. The feeling is worse than i have lost her.. it is like.. no one can help me.. maybe God can.. I really want to put down everything.. my bag is so heavy.. so heavy till i need to throw them aside.. i might seem to be happy but in actual fact.. deep inside i am not. I am not that sort will express myself out to anyone... maybe close frens will know what i am going through.. I know part of this could happen also have to blame me and the kind of attitude that i give. I no long have that sort of fighting spirit.. no longer have that kind of spark that i want to look forward to. It is like everything to me is not important, my attitude is that if it happen that let it happen lor.. I know this is of fxxk care attitude is bad.. but i really seem to be like i cant be bother to care about it.
Monday, August 01, 2011
Tell me what to do.. what is the best solution for me.. where can i find back myself again.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:20 AM
I wish u were here when i fall.. when i really needed someone so badly.. I shut myself alone.. dont feel like talking to anyone. I have so much to share but yet so much to keep to myself. I wish to could hear you voice now to know that my spark is not gone yet.. I feel so small.. i feel that i am helpless. Everyone is giving me comment but it seem to be like i cant agree with anyone. I listen to the piece of song that u play for me over and over again.. I dont know why am i doing that... but i know that is something that i love the most.
I wish to talk to u.. i wish u r beside me.. to solve everything.. I turn to God.. but i feel even smaller.. i dont know what to do.. what shld i do.. everything seem to be in the mess.. If i make the wrong choice everything will be in a bigger mess.. I want a big dee hug.. i need a shoulder to cry..
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:56 PM
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