Saturday, April 30, 2011
Leaving to the airport soon.. although is a short trip but i kind of miss things in sg. So long never go for holiday and so long i dun have big group holiday. Going with the Kon gang.. i guess it gonna be fun :)
Monday, April 25, 2011
Wondering when will i have my holiday with my piggies.. kind of miss them.. or maybe kind of miss her. I still remember 1yr ago our trip to phuket.. miss those 'honeymoon' time.. no worries on anything.. miss having her around me.. the sun tanning moment.. the shopping spree and the drinking session. I miss doing things for her.. miss pampering her.. haiz.. too crappy over such thingy...
Well is a holiday so time to get away from all these... the only time u will smile or cry is when u really miss that someone badly.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:10 PM
It too me a while to capture this beautiful moment abt mother and child. What is motherhood? being a parent is not easy especially a mother, having a kid is not easy it take patient to exchange for it. I took this shot while the mum was holding the baby walking thru the beautiful sunset. You can feel the heartwarming feeling that a mum will provide for that child, the tender loving care and being protection over the child from any harm. Sometime i ask myself have i really done my best for my mum? how much will be enough for me to give her, how i know when she is really happy? She always say 'wei ah.. stop riding ah.. it is danger to ride. U big girl liao dont let mummy nag & nag at u.' I will always agree for the sake of agreeing, i know she meant to say all these for my own good just that i dont listen.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Another breaking new for me over the weekend... bike fren (lollypop) say this on the forum on 21april: Goodbye my frens, i am going thai later :) not joining u guys tonight. I will contact u all when i am back. 22nd April, 1005am God bought him back hm, no one expect that to happen, no one was prepare. When i was on forum in the afternoon, i was speechless, i still wanna to ask him out when he is back.. and now.. i only can pray for him. He is the only son, left his mum all alone.. His mum must be very upset.. i am sure he is upset too. He say the last goodbye on the forum, last goodbye after his dinner with his mum.
I ask myself everyday... if 1 day.. that happen to me what will happen to my mum? how will she feel? what will happen to shannon?? who is gonna take care of him? how will the sillypig feel... how will my other frens feel? Sometime i am so lost that i dunno what to do... I dreamt of eggcow again.. looking thru those old friendster msg and photos we had.. i realise we miss out so much!!! if i could max out the time, do things that i should have dont long ago.. maybe i will be happier.
I dont like the feeling being at hm, i dont find peace at hm. I visited eggcow for the past 2 weekend, i dunno why but i just miss her badly. i complained so much to her, telling how much i miss her. Sillypig msg me last night wanna to make it clear that the last r/s wasnt change of heart, it is change of mind... I know, inside my heart i know u used to truly love me. I have never doubt u, i have never blame u. I wish i could escape from hm to a place where there is peace, no anger. I used to escape to sillypig hm but now.. gonna find new place to escape. When will we really talk again over a coffee session or a dinner.. when can i hear that bubbly voice and the big dee smile again!!!! When can i do the tickie me dee and let her roll again!!!
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:18 PM
The feeling of going back to some place where u r have the best memories with ur love ones really make u sad... I am a person who easily get emo when something or some place just trigger me.. I was at sentosa last night, passing by her work place and heading over to siloso beach. We used to spent out happy moment at siloso beach. The 1st time i 'cheated' her to sentosa.. the sun tanning moment that we have at sentosa and those time we sneak into tourism sch, all these are well kept in my mind..
Sunday, April 17, 2011
I was back at 1 of the beach bar last night where we used to hangout.. the moment just flash back in my mind.. i only can smile and walk through the crowd. As i was walking through the crowd someone pop up and say Hi.. i was abt shock when i see her.. and i am more shock when i saw the hand she is holding onto wasnt 'T' it was someone else.. omg.. wat happen to them.. 6yrs plus or 7yrs r/s just ended like this? I begin to realise 爱情是没有天长地久 no matter how long is the r/s if the heart change, every change.
Maybe my last r/s was the heart change problem... i guess it is not so much of her being who she wan to be but more on her heart have change. I am not longer her 老雪人 and she is no longer that sillypig that i know back in good old days. As i am still walking in the deja vu world i told myself there is no long lastly r/s, there will not be really an end point in life. There are always human error in life and some ppl just cant accept those human error.
As I was driving back home from sentosa i cried.. not knowing why i cried.. the song that played from the radio make me upset. Wanna to msg her so badly but.. my heart tell me say NO!!!! Dont bother abt her she is happy and she is doing well... maybe she have found her end point dun affect her new life. I park my car at the carpark sitting inside the car trying to cool myself down, telling myself it is just anotther night..
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:05 PM
Finally 1 paper down and 1 more to go... Haiz.. just wanna to get all these over and done.. i am so tired!!! Today she very random out of the blue msg me.. telling me that she is happy not to worry abt her. Haiz.. never say she is not happy just saying whether is she still as happy as before.. Well she claim that she is happy then let her be cause i know happiness come from the heart. Anyway glad that she is doing well and whatever it is i just wish her to be happy. I actually wanna to msg her to let her know that i am always there for her no matter what, through happiness or sadness. DT i am not ur float, i am ur pillar, if u r lost or u need anything this pillar is always here for u anytime. I dont want u to get drown in the sea and swim alone, i am there to swim with u anytime.
Friday, April 15, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:02 AM
Tml is exam again.. everytime exam i will be sick.. maybe too stress that why sick. Recently some $$$ matter happen at hm, i cant help much at all, close to totally give up. I went to my aunt's place to study but end up got nag by her telling all abt my family problem. In the end i told her that is the reason why i am not getting married, getting married is easy but no $$$ no 'honey'. As usually she will take abt her good old days when she earn her 1st down payment for car & flat and etc... Keep telling me to sell away my bike and sell away my absolut and keep the $$$$ for rainy days and etc...
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
I told her absolut is my life selling away is not possible, riding is passion. Not because of DT maybe i have gave up riding long ago.. and now even thought how much i want to change bike but thinking abt how greenie go thru thick and thin with me and DT i cant bear to let go. I still remember the 1st time i bought greenie i was very poor, give up a good pay job for a shitty job. Down payment my bike cause DT said since i love it so much she will just agree with me. When i got my bike i couldnt fork out $$ to pay of my 1st or 2nd installment and is DT who paid for me. she is not earning much and i cant get her paid for it (pide problem) and from than onward i learn how not to let my love ones go thru the bad time for me. I work hard to pay off my bike, no matter how badly i wan to mod my bike i still keep it stock. DT like it simple and neat, she dont like it noise and fancy. I begin to sell my absolut (as business) and work hard to earn extra cash from part time and work incentive so that both of us can live a better life. I provide her what i can provide make sure everyday she is happy and never worry abt anything as long as i am around. No matter how hard it is she is always my 1st place, i will try my best to pay off her bill, give her 'allowance' and buy something for her to make her happy. As long as she is happy i am happy too :) we never talk abt $$$ cause $$ hurt r/s.
I wil save up to bring her for overseas trip, save up to pamper her and save up for random surprises. When i have already save up to at point of time, she left me. I almost bought sometime for her and sometime that might confused her at that moment. Anyway Still life without her i begin not to save up.. spend my $$$ on absolut and modding my bike, plus mainly at party (i know it is damn bad) Have i gone back to my old self, the old self who dont care abt life or future. But i promise myself and that someone before, i will save up my absolut profit and open an absolut cafe. I dont know how long and i dont know when will it happen but i am heading toward there, soon 1 day i will make it to the absolut cafe.
I wonder how is DT doing now? Is she studying or at work? How is her life? Is she still as happy as before? I wanna to msg or email her but think abt it better not.. Enough of trouble for her and i really dont wan to bother her.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:44 PM
When u have a bad and long day at work u wish that ur partner is there for u. It is not abt complaining to her but is the feeling that when u see her and hear that familiar voice ur worries are gone for that moment. I love to talk and see DT whenever I have a bad day at work, I always look forward to see her after my work cause that is my only happy hr. Even I tired I am I will make my way to pick her up from work or ride over to her place, listen to that bubbly voice jus melt my heart. How I wish she is here right now even she is not talking her presence just make my day better. I really have a bad day, a bad bad day!!!
Monday, April 11, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:39 PM
When u r single there are really alot of things u can do... party till next morning without reporting to ur gf, drink till dead drunk and not being afraid ur gf will be angry and talk to others in the club and dun feeling guilty or afraid ur gf might get jealous. I was out partying again on sat.. party before i start my exam, drink quite a bit with some frens. I arrange to meet someone at the party.. and i long to meet that persons because that person create my interests in her. So after so many upz and downz.. we finally met.. and erm.. she impress me.. in some way.. We didnt talk much cause we cant talk in the club.. erm.. i am abit tongue tight cause i have not been really talking to someone ever since DT.. our moment dont last long she left within 10min cause her frens are around and i dont wan to hold her back too.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
I told myself.. gosh.. i have been grinning at my hp ever since she msg me... and when i see her i grin even wider. I told myself this is the sign of me falling for someone.. Did i really fall for that her??? i dunno.. than my fren ask me a very funny qus.. is her surname TAN again.. than i faster go scan through FB... BINGO!!! The TAN family again... damn it!!! i dunno WTH i still fall for another TAN.. but anyway it is just the 1side liking.. she didnt reply my msg ever since sat night. I shld take it slow and easy because i am afraid to committed again..
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
10:36 PM
I have done my part as a sister, everything is fated as it is. Sometime i wonder why r u so different from others, why must u do things that upset others. Why cant u just behave like other kids or just be urself. I cant help but to find someone to pour out my sorrow and of cause naturally i msg her. I know i shouldnt.. i know it all along but i dunno why the hell i did it again and again and again... my sister tell me this.. 'jie i cant be there for u when u need someone talk to or a shoulder to cry on' when i hear that i cry even more.. she say i must learn how to be accept loneliness and be myself.
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
SHe is still young, so much bright future ahead. There are so many dream and things for her to fulfill but she choose to lead this kind of life. Sometime i blame myself for indirectly leading her to this kind of life, when i see her i see myself back to when i was 17yr old. How much i dont like to go hm, how much i like to hang out with my shitty frens, Someone came to me and change me at that point of time, if i didnt take ur advice i think i will be more shitty than her.
Sometime i feel so jealous when my frens or gf have a so call prefect family. Although their family life are very simple, some might not be complete but i can feel love within their family. She used to ask me why i dont go hm and keep nagging me to go hm and etc.. but the main reason why i m not going hm because i dont feel love at hm. Everyone in my family is living in their own world, doing their own things. No one bother abt u and no one care. So when ppl always tell me end of the day family is the most important thing and they will only be there for u. I totally agree with that but when i think back when i really have emotion needs where are my family? They wasnt there for me when i needed those emotion needs.
Since things are fated in my sister life, i cant do much also. I only can wait for the judgement day and see how things is being judge in her life. Am i afraid of judgement day? myabe not.. cause i believe God dont judge ppl because we love him. My sister was asking me when i can bring her to overseas before ur judgement day.. she never have such a good life to go travel around the world like me.. to her love and money is her everythng. I was thinking since i bought the ticket for dee and she also wan to go for a trip soon, if i suggest thing to this to ask her to go travel with us do u think she will agree... I doubt so cause she will still think that i got feeling for her and etc.. she will say she is not comfortable with me and etc.. I dunno i will try to ask her.. since i already book so not much different to ask her to go.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:17 AM
I miss those time when I hold your hand and write the secret msg on ur palm, the msg that only both of us know!!
Monday, April 04, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
10:47 PM
I was putting some stuff back to my drawer and found that piece of watch she gave it to me when we 1st got together. To me watch is a very personal thing, i can wear 1 watch till the batt die and i will change it again and again till it is not working. My longest watch lasted me for 5yrs till my very last accident, it was a very meaningful watch. When i saw that watch she gave me i stare at it for awhile, i think back to those time on how i was cheated or pretend not knowing that she is getting a gift for me. I am so glad that she gotten that watch and seriously she didnt wanna to give me in the 1st place cause she claim that the present is not complete yet, i wonder why but i didnt ask further. Soon after i gotten the present and i realize nothing much have change, she ask me to be detail with it than i will find the different. It took me awhile to find and i found the answer, it engrave ' I love u' - SP. I thought for very long what is 'SP' than i realize it was that nick name that i given to her.
Sunday, April 03, 2011
From than onward the watch was with me day and night, all kind of events. Everytime when i miss her i will look at the watch cause i know she is always there for me. Even after we broke up the watch never fail to be with me at all, i will wear it everywhere i go. Until that very day i found out she have given her heart to that someone that is when the time have stop. The batt have died and i took so long so decide whether to go replace it anot.. but i think abt it again.. cause there is no point to replace the batt, it will still be the same.
I was watchless for abt 3 months, i couldnt take it so i decide to buy a watch to replace hers. I cant remember when is the last time i bought a watch for myself, i guess got more then 8yrs cause as i say every watch i have always have meaning in it. I also gotten her that watch just wondering is she still wearing it.. Watch represent the time we spend together, although it is short but is meaningful. The time we have together are 'lock' inside the watch, everytime u look at them u will bring back some memories. She used to complain why the time past so slow.. i told her a silly joke, because u keep looking at them and they are shy so they move slowly. I wish i can say those cold joke to her again..
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:06 PM
Today i went to haji lane for a walk / photo shooting, was passing by some places that i used to bring her over there. It is just like walking to some place where u used to hangout alot with her. I walk past that toy museum that i wanna to bring her go, past by that sleepy cafe where we used to hang around. She will start reading her book and i will just sit around with my coffee, we will just enjoy each other company even we dont talk. At that moment those feeling just came back to me, making wonder when will we be in good term again.
Friday, April 01, 2011
I was out clubbing last night, emotionally i randomly msg her. I expected what will the reply be but i dunno why the hell i will still msg her. After 2yrs of being in the drunk stated i was drunk last night. Not dead drunk but it is like totally not awake at all. She hate me to drink, especially in drunk stated. I promise her will not get drunk anot when i am with her. I kept that promise for 2yr, never get drunk after that 1 and only time i got drunk.
I saw her on thus, she look so tired in class. I cant help but to 'disturb her', see that sleepy face laying on the table it just make me wanna to to tell her off. I jus wanna to tell her go hm rest if she is tired but when i am back in class she left. So i msg her to tell her to rest early, i mean didnt expect a reply from her. It is hard for her to study and work together, plus now she is back in F&B industry it is very tiring for her.
If you ever read this blog just wanna to say i am still there for u as a friend, If you need anything just let me know. I am always there as long as i am still around.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
10:56 PM
很久没有看到你的笑容, 忽然之间我不记得你样子
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:40 AM
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