Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Silly child (Yuri)
This screen just remind me of those time... There is always a IF
Friday, February 18, 2011
看着你无暇的表情
我猜不透真实你的心
我一直冷静
却还是走不出这秘密
好孤寂
我开始失去了勇气
而你却好像在游戏
我假装清醒
看清你的心
终于我选择了离去
你像个孩子一样的被我看穿
在你面前我试着隐瞒
所有过去全都变成伤害
我像个傻子一样的被你出卖
一字一句都要我承担
到了最后我选择分开
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:16 AM
Met up with cherie today... it was really long since we last met, i guess abt 5yrs plus... Cherie was my ex gf.. seeing each other just like long lost friends.. catching up each other life and etc.. As we updated each other life and etc.. she was telling me that she is getting her own apartment and etc.. and the key words is GETTING MARRIED.. Well seeing my own ex gf getting married is really kind of weird. It is not that i cant accept the fact but indeed i am happy for her. Well so far since i know her for so long this is the longest r/s that she is in and it is good that she is getting married. Well it just sudden ring a bell of dee.. i cant imagine 5yrs later she call me up to catch up and tell me that she is getting married. How will i feel abt it? Beside that someone, dee will the next person that i love the most. Of cause i will be happy for her but how will things be like after knowing that dee is getting married.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
After the lunch appt with cherie, i call my 'hubby Ash' to talk abt it... he was telling me that there are some problem with me.. scared all my gf to get married.. hahaha.. I told him that now every of my gf is getting married so is he gonna married me. He told me that he is happily with Daniel and unless Daniel dump him than maybe he will consider to get married. He was suggesting some funny married contract and etc.. but maybe i should consider his suggestion since he might be the only MAN on earth who understand me well and the only 'MAN' who i love... hahahaha..
In fact.. sometime i wonder why do you get married for? just the marriage cert or the love?
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
5:55 PM
I opened green snowflake box again. I dont know what come to my mind to open it but i did it. I read through the 'mini' letters that she used to give me. From letter No 1 - No 6 than soon she told me.. she lost track of this is which No so i keep through on my own.. but in total it is 10 letters. These letters are full of joy, laughter and love. Her real feeling abt our r/s, abt how her daily feeling toward me. Even thought it is just the small little pocket size paper but it just brighten up my day whenever i read her letter.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
I still remembered she wasnt very confident during our r/s but i give her my best and try to secure her and reassure that i am there for her at all time. Sometime she have silly thoughts of us being together 'forever' and sometime she will ask me things like what do you think abt our future. I promise her that there are something that i wanna to tell her in 3yrs time (during those time when we are together) but now i will never let her know again. It doesnt matter and it will not make any different too.
Although our love life added abit of sorrow, abit of quarrel but it pile up with tons of joy and laughter.. Till now i still say that i didnt regret loving her.. but maybe i regretting not understanding her better. I still remember whenever i am 'angry with her' she will 'sing' this song to me and make me laugh... or sometime when she is angry with me i sing this song for her. Well maybe is just sometime to remember and telling myself that she is still my fren.
Baby不要再哭泣
这一幕多么熟悉
紧握着你的手彼此都舍不得分离
每一次想开口但不如保持安静
给我一分钟专心
好好欣赏你的美
幸福搭配悲伤
同时在我心交叉
挫折的眼泪不能测试爱的重量
付出的爱收不回
还欠你的我不能给
别把我心也带走
去跟随
每一次和你分开
深深的被你打败
每一次放弃你的温柔
痛苦难以释怀
每一次kiss you goodbye
爱情的滋味此刻我终于最明白
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:36 AM
I know I should have stop those sudden surprise at her place long ago.. Didn't mean to pop by at her place tonight.. When i saw a pair of shoe outside the house i knew something was wrong.. My heart sink just like the titanic.. I mean I though she might be over at his place but didnt know he was at her place too. For a moment I tell myself my bed side have been replace..
Monday, February 14, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
4:24 AM
It is valentine day and this valentine day i will be spending it alone. Well suddenly i dont remember how i spend my last vday with her, i only remember how and what was happening on vday 2009. That was the 1st and sweetest vday that we spent together although the time we spent was short but i remembered every single moment. From the moment of me working till i pick her up for lunch with flowers till i give give her all her vday present till the night program and till the final moment i send her hm. I guess the honeymoon period is always sweet, i told her i dont wan to be special to u during honeymoon, vday or any other special occasion only. I wan you to feel happy and be special everyday because i love u more than anything. She is new in r/s and i know it is hard for her to go in line with me if i demand too much. I dont have anything to demand from her, i just hope that she will love me everyday just like how i love her.
Friday, February 11, 2011
I told her this: I will walk with you till the end. do not worry about what you dont know cause we will learn as we walk along. I promise i will be faithful to you and i will not break your heart. I will hold you tight and will never ever let it go, I will be tuck you to bed every night & kiss you goodnight. Give you my shoulder to cry one when you needed it, lend you my ears when you want talk your heart out. I wrap my arm around you and hold your hands tight when you feel insecure. Together in all I will walk with you hand in hand down your life forever.
When we were in love, we said those promises. Those promises that we will do for our love ones, those promises that we will try out very best to make it real. When love is over, those are invalid promises. when you look back you will just ask yourself once again have you actually fulfill those promises or you left it empty. The funny part is both of you used to think that you are the best couple in the world.
I was packing my absolut and found absolut britto, i still remembered i bought her this bottle because she say she love it. Even thought is abit ex but i know she love it so i bought it for her. I was abit crazy wanna her to sign on the bottle cause i told her is for her but still she never sign. This time i got her a special handmade present, i emailed her to let her know. I mean no special meaning to it, if i still do it with special meaning that she will really hate me. Well who say friend cant give vday present, I give it to her as a form of best friend. To the woman i love, I wish her happy valentine day.
P.S: 情人节就要来了剩自己一個, 其实爱对了人情人节每天都过
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:12 AM
The cold feeling just running down my spine, the feeling of not seeing eye to eye make us feel like enemy. Sometime i will wan to peep at you without you noticing, capturing the nature side of you make you look more real. Although there is no eye contact, no talks but we just have the understanding that we have draw a fine line that only both of us can see. When will these fine line fade away? When will these cold feeling turn into warm feeling? When will we ever see eye to eye again? When can we stop pretending and be ourselves again? Hate is always a hash word to use.. but sometime leaving with no choice i have to use hate to complete my sentence.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
3:21 AM
day after day time have past everything seem to be so changing so fast. I have been slacking for 1 mth liao.. feeling so lost i dont know what to do. It is like everything is just not in the right place at the right moment, telling myself it gonna be good soon but still this soon is not coming. I dont know what to do, i have try and try... i want something fix, i want something that can get me somewhere.. Last time when i am lost she is there to guide me through, telling me step by step what to do. Now i am all alone.. trying to tell myself what to do and how to walk the next step. I dont know sometime i wish that i will get a msg from her and telling me what to do.
Monday, February 07, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
4:30 PM
It is kind of quiet without dee around at today gathering, that bubbly voice that we always heard wasnt there. Everyone at the BBQ was just talking abt life, talking abt work and etc.. Mel and her gf finally got their home.. they are moving in after CNY.. see that Mel finally found someone she love to move into their love home. I was at cath house yesterday.. they place was really a ideal couple home. If i am settling down with someone i guess this is something that i am looking for. Well over at pris place we also play our pictionary the usual game. Without dee this game not so fun.. cause she always draw funny stuff.. steven always love to partner with her cause they tag a good team. Everyone in the house miss her. sad to say she didnt come today! Haiz.. i dunno sometime i think them even if we are not frens i hope sometime we can just gather like this. Still till now she is the biggest impact in my life!!
Saturday, February 05, 2011
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:12 AM
It is CNY again... this yr CNY i spend it alone. I was at her place eve of CNY.. the usual stuff she is doing with her family. Her mum ask me stay for dinner but of cause for not making her unhappy i will say NO. Well it is kind of 'jealous' to see them having it together cause to me i cant remember when is the last dinner with my family. Well that is not that point i guess, the point is this yr is unlike any other yr. She is not with me... telling myself that i gonna be all alone this CNY. Mum and cousin do ask where is she, my aunt even said where is ur gf ah.. but of cause i cant answer them... all i cant say is she is not free. Well I guess they knew that I am a gay or maybe bisexual but they feel that as long as I am happy can Liao. I dunno it have been so long yet it still bother me... sometime i ask myself even in the past i thought of spending my future with her but have she ever thought abt that. I guess she shld be still enjoying her new love now.. and she shld be thinking that he is her future... Personally i think that rulez are meant to be bend just that how you want accept it.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:00 AM
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