Saturday, July 26, 2008
Being lost and helpless for the past few weeks my mind and heart cant tally, trying very hard to fright for it and make sure i have harden my heart so that things wouldnt make it worse. Sometime i think being to relie on your partner doesnt make any good to yourself, when break up happened you will find it hard to let things go and you will create and more and more problem to yourself. Sometime certain time, certain place or certain things you do will remind you of those time that both of you spent together but these happy moment that meant to be kept and not letting it keep running through your mind. Sometime holding on for too hold doesnt bring you to anyway where i think the early you let things go the better will be. Because of certain issue i didnt eat and sleep well and of cause it do affect me at work as well. I try not to bring in personal stuff into work as my job scope cant allow me to do that. I face 100 over ppls daily and i talking to them more then my bf, my mum and my dog so i cant bring in this kind of feeling into my work life. I do get myself drunk for the past few days but that doesnt help to solve the problem, the best things is when you think that you are drunk but in the fact you are not and this is where you get to see the ugly side of the world. I go no mood to go anywhere over the weekend, trying to get something done but dont know where to start. I dont talk so much to others after work, i am slow in respoone in all my reply, putting on my mask and fake smile at work. I guess moving on and seeing things in a different angle will make you understand the whole picture of the story.
The Bottom Line
Friday, July 25, 2008
Focus on what you need to get done today and do it. Finish up any unfinished work.
In Detail
Your feelings are definitely important to get a handle on, but you can't spend all your time in introspection. Today, there are things you need to do, and you can't waste time figuring out what's in your heart right now. Whatever is in there isn't going anywhere, so don't worry -- when you have time to deal with it, it will be there waiting for you to deal with it. Focus on what you need to get done today and just do it. Finish up any unfinished work. People are waiting.
_____________________________________________________________________
I got called up for a mojor serious talk with my boss today, i guess think this time round i really got into deep trouble with my result at work. I really didnt perfrom well for the past 3months and i have been really late for work everyday, I really dont know why my attituide is like this toward my work i try to manage it but certain things just pull me down and make me dont feel like working so hard to it. Well no more chances will be given to me if this time round i still dont work it out, i guess i shouldnt waste anymore time thinking about my personal problem. Since i am on my own now i must learn to be independent about all these, i cant relie on ppls too much. I got no more time on all these and i really have to move on since the person is taking it so easily so why am i still taking it so hard. If you have a choice to choose will you choose to stay in a fling which you only can have the person by your side but the person heart is not with you and you are not really happy about it or will you choose to leave and let it go and find out own happiness.
I dont see future with someone when the person dont really wanna to do anything about life, about the relationship. The person always wanna to avoid the problem and pretend that nothing happen and end of the day it is back to square cause we have never improve it at all. Giving a chance again how would you want to rearrange your life, who do you want to put in as part of your life? Never commit too much when you are not ready i have really learn my lesson already the more you commit the more you cant let it go.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:07 AM
The Bottom Line
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Remove your ego from the situation and let yourself be vulnerable and honest today.
In Detail
Being honest is the hardest thing to do sometimes, but it is the very best thing you could do for your most turbulent relationship. You have to remove your ego from the situation and let yourself be vulnerable and honest about what you feel. Telling someone what you think they want to hear is not going to help the two of you move forward in any healthy or positive ways. Spill your guts in whatever way you can, but just make sure you don't hold anything back. They can take it.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:17 PM
The rain cried for me it was raining so heavily just like how i cried my heart out and fall asleep, i am so tired my bag are so heavy that i didnt realise that i am carrying so many things. I thought i am strong enough to take the weight but i realise that it's too heavy that it time to put it down and i really need to put it down. I wish that i can just collapsed on and floor and fall into deep sleep that when i wake up i will remember only things and people that i want to remember. I wish that all these love and lie have never happened before between us, i wish that in the 1st place i dont need to choose and make a choice out of it.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
There are time that i am so used to be with someone that sometime i will call or msg the wrong person, there are time that when hear a pair of voice that naturally i will picture the person in my mind or say out the person name. The brain really work out in a funny way they only select certainly things for us to think and make us think so much that we cant do anything to prevent it. I really wish that 1 day i can just fall into deep sleep and forget about everything in the dream when i wake up i wouldnt remember all the unhappy things and carry on with my life. I know alot of people do feedback saying that why i take life or relationship so pessimistic well i think it's more to return karma cause alot of things i have done in my past relationship is coming back to me. I am paying high interests rate to it and seriously i also dont know when will i stop paying my debt but i really hope that my debt will finish too.
Sometime in life we already know what we want and we already have the answer but just dont know why we just wanna to try our luck to make it prefect. Something we just thought that things might go out smoothly but end of the day we realise that we are living in reality we are just painting the prefect picture that we want it to be. Well no point trying and keep repeating that you understand how the other person feel and dont want to make things worse when end of the day it is still back to square. Love that oscillates back and forth ultimately will meets with futillty and despair. The story of love is not important,what is important is that one who capable of love, even when one knows that love will end....
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:17 PM
It’s easy to fall in love with me,but do you have what it takes to catch hold of me?
It’s easy to say you will make sure I be happy,but do you even know what makes me truly happy?
It’s easy to simply do whatever you can to care for me,but have you ever wondered whether i need it?
It’s easy to say you will treat me well,but what is considered well, who decides the rating?
It’s easy to say you can connect with me,but the secret is I choose what I want you to know.
It’s easy to say you know me,cause whether or not you really do, only I know.
Now if you fall in love with me,do you dare to try the take to catch me?
If I fall freely would you break my fall, and make sure I would be alright?
If I close my eyes, and let you take my hand,would you treat me a fool, or lead me the right way?
Where now baby, have you been all my life?
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:19 PM
Everyone wear a mask when they are out at the play field, we dont know who is true who is real. Everyone out there are on their own, you have to cover you own and take care of yourself to prevent being hurt. Looking at the things just by the suface doesnt really give you much information about the person you are dealing with cause they are a great pretender, pretending is what they major in so to deal with care you have to understand them. Well actually today my mood was quite good everything go smooth today and i am pretty happy with what i am doing. Maybe is because finally after so long i am receiving email from diva that busy woman rarely reply my email and that is what i hate about her. I was grining when i received her mail i mean of cause certain P&C things we talk about la but after all she do make my day.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Candice, my best partner recently quite emo since monday dont know what wrong with her also but still i am trying my best to make her day. I try to crap my way through but it doesnt really help so i keep my mouth shut also doesnt help much. I understand how she feel toward work but still sometime i just think that she take things to personal, which this affect her work alot. I am not in the position to ask her not to bother about it but i only can advice her that look things at a different way and think differently.
Sometime in life that special someone will just come and go, when we are too relie on it she tense to forget about who we you. Seriously i am a good example i am so relie on certain people that when they are not around i tense to feel lonely. Sometime some of their email or msgs will make my day. Certain phease like goodnight, ride safely or i'll talk to you tomorrow k. These are small talk that will really make me feel betterand sercure, i just miss those good old days when we are just as close as before where things still remain the same as it was, unchange
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:10 AM
Haiz... today weather totally describe my feeling rain and stop the whole day, haiz.. boss is giving me pressure again i know i cant make it this month but got to do some show la. I am already in holiday mood liao my august list is quite fill up already, so many exciting things gonna happen cant wait till than. Kon is in big trouble now everyone is leaving and no one is working for them, ping ask me back to work full time and i am really glad to help out but not at this moment for full time. I might not be as happy as before but i am currently alright with my job so dont plan to change to go back to square again.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
I miss doing and having alot of things in the past and alot of things in the past i really dont wish to give up, some entilement that i used to get in the past and i dont get it now. I received different treatment from the same kind of people that i met with last time, we might be close by outlook but inside the feeling is not there anymore. Good memories are meant to be kept and this is part of our daily life we have to accept it, it's just the matter of time. We have to learn to be flexible and adapt quickly into our new life, sometime staying at some place or being with someone for too long is not good. You dont know that the world is change, you will start ageing and lack back from your friends. When is time for you to realise it's too late cause the world is changing to fast and you cant crop with the change, you will begin to feel lonely and lost and you just wouldnt want to accept the change in you life.
Sometime we have to learn to grow up, take and let go things easily. We cant just because of those habit that we use to have make us stay put at our main ground. Like that we will never learn, we have to pick ourselves up and move on with our daily life. We have to see things in a different picture, different angle. Well You hold the future in your hands, you decide on what you what not others. You dont owe anyone any answer or explaintion but to your own. If you can decide on what you want so dont expect others to decide for you, think about it and be accountable to yourself.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:12 PM
Finally weekend is over, haiz... spend my sat at work yesterday i also dont know why just dont feel like going anywhere and wanna to go back to work. Friday was a terrible day at work alot of things just happened at work, i cant really bother much about my target cause i am way to far behind. I make some mistake at work and in the end got into some problem and this problem only slove after going through alot of ppls. I realise that this is such a unfair treatment due to company policy they are not flexible about it and i cant understand why are they being so unfair. I fright my way through and i cant take it so i broke down and cry, i dont know what is the main reason behind the crying but i just cant take it anymore.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Sally cool me down by talking to me and explaining to me why they work this way and after that she did try to work thing out for me. Ever thought end of the day i dont really get back what i lost but at least the other party dont get what i have as well. It's really a draggy weekend to start with but nevertheless i spend my friday night with my classmates, met up with them for movie and also do some chatting about our new subject.
I begin to get closer with mel, erm... start sending mel home and also talk alot on msn well i mean glad that mel share a few things with me. Mel also going through what i am going through now and hopefully the emo things that we are going through will be over soon. I went for a swim todays, stuck at the pool with lotz of kids. The weather also not very prefectly fine but at least it doesnt really rain until 1 hour later, it will be prefect that the pool is clear without the kids around and the weather is sunny as usual. I didnt stay for long cause it start to rain so just do 1 hour short tan which i didnt get dark at all and left for home. Went to Enya 1 yr old birthday which suppose to be alot of ppls there than in the end turn out to be only a few of us there. I thought coming back home can sleep early than my sister call me telling me that she wanna to go wala so in the end i drove her and her husband to wala till now than i am back home. I actually hate to go there cause it's near someone else home but nvm i wouldnt see that person there also. It's also a good thing to go wala cause i met up with bev before she go back to malaysia again to see her bf. I cant understand why she can give up everything just for that guy in malaysia, i mean she is only 22yrs old still got long way to go but she choose this kind of way of life to settle down. Well no matter what it is i am happy for her as long as that guy dont bully her i am ok with it, I will just miss bev whenever she is not in sg. Well also so many story i guess it's time to sleep hopefully it will be a good week to start with.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
10:02 PM
The Bottom Line
Thursday, July 17, 2008
If you are in the midst of a tug of war today, just let go of your end of the rope.
In Detail
Make your personal relationships your top priority, today. You need to find peace and create harmony with even the most difficult personalities. If you are in the midst of a tug of war, let go of your end of the rope. By being so singularly focused on gaining power over someone else, you're losing sight of what really matters. Give them the power, see what they do with it, and be happy knowing that you put forth every effort to make things right.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:26 PM
Today i feel green today, woke up early and just feel lost. I also dont know whati am lost at also, at work did start off well manage to sort things out and get things done my way. My leave is approve so koh samui here i come. I should be happy about it cause i finally can go for holiday liao but my mood just dont really suit this. I also dont know what wrong with me, there are alot of thing in mind that i cant figure out. Alot of qus i keep asking myself again and again, i know i am not happy over something but i just trying to pretend it and try to find out some happiness out of it. Tml is weekend and i am not looking forward to it at all, ever i am going to have a long weekend but i am not really happy with it. I miss those time in japan cant wait to go back again, beers after beers just short of a bunch of good friends to enjoy it with me. Alright i dont wish to think so much, going off to get my beers soon, cause my brain is block i need some beers to clear it off.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:07 PM
Today is a good good day, everything go quite smooth today. My mood of orange is good and it have make my day, i finally finally ate a full lunch today after so many days of not eating. I dont know what happen to be maybe too stress or something just cant eat and everything i eat all taste awful. I dont really have mood to do so, my boss is giving lotz of stress at work and plus i am not really doing well in it. Haiz... i dont know how long can i last over there but still hoping for the best that my boss dont come and talk to me will do.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Today i also dont know what wrong with me out of my mind i decide to go on some trip with some crazy bunch of friends. It's quite a last min decision but i just cant be bother start out my exploring trip again without letting ppls know in advance. My mum is gonna kill me if i tell her 1 week before i depart but seriously i am not planning to tell her in advance also. Haiz... i mean she is so used to the life that i am going through now, she know that i always travel without her and also she should understand me since i am in travel trade. Make a guess where i am heading to this time??? hmmmm.... a beautiful beach that is hard to forget..... KOH SAMUI.... here i come... going back to thailand again my 2nd home fo beavch area... cant wait to party with those crazy ppls that i am going... well 1.5mths more thean i can R&R liao. Well everything is done i guess more of less i am ok with my current life now, hope that tml will be a better day
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:40 AM
Since 930am in the morning my day is fill up with complain, so many of them that i got so mess up with it. I just thought of having 1 good day to myself since my dearest painter told me that today is a sunny yellow banana day so i trust her and put in happy yellow feeling to work but it end with a raining blue day. I really didnt have a good day today, i thought just 1 complain with do but after my 1st call then 2nd complain came along and this doesnt stop at all. I didnt have a good lunch cause i and fill up with member's complain and my mood totally change according to today whether. Many of my friends and bosses around me dont really want to approch me for anything, my face change colours all the time, my mouth talk non stop and just keep nagging and nagging to everyone that come across. I really pity those ppls who sit around me got to suffer all these nagging and complain from me. I dont say that i hate my job because this is part of my job but i just feel that we human always expect something too much and too high. We set our goal and aim too high and we expect on high return and end of the day when things goes wrong we have big disappointment.
Monday, July 14, 2008
I have a super long day at work, drag myself to class and listen to my boring law subject. I drag my feet home and hope for that rest of my night be good, didnt wish to talk much to anyone as my mood is totally down and just want sometime alone to myself. I have my hot shower and have my full cup of baliey and just lying beside me is my lovely little shannon who understand me the most. In life we will have some trouble but whe nyou worry you will make it double so what i can do is to hope that tml my day will be better, painter dont give me the wrong colour again.
Here's a little song I wrote
You might want to sing it note for note
Don't worry, be happy.
In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don't worry, be happy now.
Ain't got no place to lay your head
Somebody came and took your bed
Don't worry, be happy.
The landlord say your rent is late
He may have to litigate
Don't worry, be happy.
Ain't got no cash, ain't got no style
Ain't got no gal to make you smile
Don't worry, be happy.
Cause when you worry your face will frown
And that will bring everybody down
Don't worry, be happy.
Don't bring everybody down.
Don't worry. It will soon pass, whatever it is.
Don't worry, be happy.I'm not worried, I'm happy...)
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:56 PM
It feel so good to talk to her again, pour out all my sorrow and problem to her. I told her everything from head to toes and seriously i havent have such a long talk with her. It's like i really cant live without her in my life, she is just someone who is wiser to guide me through. She understand totally what i need and of cause she do laugh at me telling me that i deserved this cause i do that to my past relationship as well. We bought up a few of our stupid past time and really kind of think back is quite stupid, haiz.... it is we who start out the relationship, it is us who end the relationship so dont blame on others if things doesnt go your way. I guess it's really time to move on, as what she say it's not worth hang over him since things is already end up like this. We know the answer jsut that we dont want to face it, what do you gain when you hangover it does it help to improve on anything. I guess end of the day you will know what you lost and what you gain so to prevent from further damage stop all. I guess i still got lotz of karma to pay off as what that diva have say plus curse on it since i did so many bad things to others. She say she is also paying off her karma but if this time still doesnt work out i told her to become a nun haha.. but the funny part is she suggested to spend the rest of her life with shannon..... hahaha.... really laugh my head off this.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Once was a time you and I
Made a promise till the day we die
I trusted each and every word
Never thinking that I'd get burned
Silly me I believed in your fairy tales
Boy I thought that I knew you so very well
But you walked on my pride all the tears that I cried
And it cuts like a knife
It's the last time you're ever gonna kiss these lips
Or ever will deceive these eyes
Believe me when I tell you this
Baby boy it's the last time
I'm ever gonna cry these tears
I'm never gonna hear your lies
So listen while I make it clear
In case you didn't hear
This time's the last time
There's no time
To give it one more try
There's only time to say goodbye
Fooled me once shame on you
Fooled me twice now this song is through
The things you said I can never forget
The things you did fill my heart with regret
But I'm still standing tall as I walk away
And you know that it's true when you hear me say
It's over, it's through,
Ain't a thing you can do boy,
Its' sad but it's true
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
5:50 PM
Friday, July 11, 2008
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
6:28 PM
You have shown me how much you have value me in your life, sorry doesnt help to mend back things that you have done before. Finally after so many problem things gonna come to a stop, i finally br0ke down and cry it out. I cant believe it that you can make such a big damage in my life and seriously too much emo have put it in, i have enough of your crap and i am not going to drag this again and again. I believe that by hanging over things that you shouldnt hangover on doesnt help to improve on the things at all, the more you hang in there there you will get yourself into problem.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
The rule of the game for fling is not to put personal feeling and and emo into it, once you break the rule of the game you are out of it. I realise that i have never learned my lesson at all time after time i always get into this kind of shit and seriously i am fucking sick of this. I am not going to let this happened again and pls get out of my life and leave me alone since end of the day nothing turn out good then dont come and bother about me. I am alright of being myself and being alone so just dont come and disturb me and make my life diffcult again.
That's it stop the fling, pain, love, everything and anything right here at this moment.
*No man is worth you tear, the one who do wouldnt make you cry*
Honey why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying?
Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud
Well, my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
It's funny that you're calling me tonight
And, yes, I've dreamt of you too
And does he know you're talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don't think she has a clue
Well my girl's in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak
And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:44 PM
Have a drive
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Driven by your love
But when you messed around
I lost the drive I found
Thought you needed
Needed someone true
But you changed your mind
Or had I failed you?
Wish you’d been Careful with my heart
But you tore it apart
And broke an angel’s heart
The kiss was true
Has to end somehow
But I am livin’ proof of what love is about
It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing you
It’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?
You played me on
Played me like a clown
.But I feel for you
Eventhough I’m down
My heart is heavy
Heavy like a rock
But I am so amused
You’re still in my thoughts
It’s hard holding you
Loving you, losing youIt’s sad to be true
And be fooled by you
I don’t know
I gotta know
Should I stay or should I go?
This time its done
It’ll never feel the same
But we had some good times
Guess it’s sad just the same
I guess the truth
Doesn’t matter somehow
But you were livin’ proof of what love is about…
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
4:27 PM
stress, confuse, lost, tired, lost track of time, I need some help!!! I need someone to guide me!!!
Saturday, July 05, 2008
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:11 AM
The wonderful story that make up of bits and pieces, all the sad moments that you go through and come back to ask for a wonderful ending. I still put trust in it and almost believe what you say was true, luckily i hope my rope tight and i didnt fall back to the start. I thought i was the most capable lier and a wonderful great pretender but you have beat my record you mange to do that on me. YOU FUCKING LIER... I FUCKING HATE YOU AND SERIOUS NOTHING CAN BE AS BAD AS THIS. DONT FUCKING ACT ANGEL IN FRONT OF US AND BE A DEVIL BEHIND OUR BACK. My decision and judgement was totally right and good luck to you and hopefully there are more to come since you enjoying it so much. I guess i should have return enough karma from all my past relationship and this time round i finally feel and understand it.
Thursday, July 03, 2008
*internet is a wonderful things that bill gate have created
xoxo,
snowman
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
3:02 AM
Everyone have a unique identity, some already found their identity and some just keep searching around to try to know who they are, some are confuse, some got mix up & caught in between it and some just wish to remain stateless. Well some people are proud of their states and they dont might many people to know about it cause they want to gain respect out of them. Some people are ashame of their states because all along they are playing the role of angel and never encounter to hide or to lie but because of certain things they have to hide their identity. Last group of people are those who dont really care about anything at all, they just living in their own world and being who they are as usual. They dont change for people, they dont change for environment, they are the kind that happy go lucky person.
I realise that no matter how long you know a person or how much you love a person but the devil that play the role will show out your weakness . Someone once say: Once the trust is broken, it's hard to repair. A thousand apologies will not mend the thousand wounds that you have inflicted on my heart, well i guess what the person say is very true. whether izzit just flirting or affair or fling it's just 1 word being unfaithful, there is no 2nd thought, no 2nd chance for you. Tamptation is a devil, it playa role of giving you a 2nd thought of being faithful and it control your action, your thinking. It's just how skillful you are to deal with it, end of the day you are still that person to make up the decision. Discipline play an angel role in your life, it play a big part in your life and it's about how to discipline yourself from falling to the tampation trap. Well but it will take a long long time and patient to have that and this does last long if you dont focus well on it.
So good luck to those who are still looking for thier identity, trying to know who they are and also finding their wants and needs. For those who know and proud of it you can stay where you are to gain your respect but does give some guideline for those who cant be bother to much about it. Well after all it's all about yourself, end of the day you are responsible to yourself and not others so you decide what you want and how you want your life to be.
We were meant to be together
& I think you know it too
but still I've tried to deny this
& I'm not sure why I do.
When you came into my life
you melted into my every pore
& this has scared me very much
but I won't be afraid anymore.
We were meant to be together
I know you still love me too.
I don't want to face a future now
if there's no me & you.
I've put us through so much
since the time when we first met.
I hope you can forgive me
for I haven't begun to yet.
If you can forgive me
& give it one more try
I swear I'll make it up to you
& love you until I die.
We were meant to be together
& I'm not the same without you.
Please come back to me
& love me like you used to.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:00 AM
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