Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I am sad and scared after something happen to someone that i dont really know.This 19yrs old guy who stay at my block got into accident yesterday and the silly thing he have done was drink & ride. When my sister told me about it yesterday and i read the chinese newpaper see the parents cry so sadly over him my heart sink. I also got into a minor accident yesterday i am fine just some blind taxi driver kiss my bike ass, after that i got into shock wanna to share this with my sister but i know she sure tell me mum about it so i kept quite. When i am home and i saw the casket thingy at my place and somemore my sister tell me this story i have a 2nd thought about going up for phuket bike week again.
Monday, February 25, 2008
I really miss riding and especially going for trips but with this kind of risk it will give me a chance to meet God early and also i might have a chance to miss my mum nagging in future. I feel sad for that guy and i really dont wish to attend of these kind of unhappy event that is among my friend. I know i am subborn over alot of matter and no matter how much my friends and families tell me about it i dont really care but i feel that this time i should think differently. If i can turn back the time again will i choice to be those typical girl out there who waiting for their bf to ferry them around and will die without aircon or will i still choose to be as sporting as i can that ever others will mistook me as a guy? This is a qus that i cant answer myself cuase i wish to try out everything i can when i am still young and if i want to try you have to prepare for risk. I guess lessson to be learn dont hurt your love ones be thoughtful about how they think and care about you cause deep down inside they love you.
Wake up every morning
And find you by my side
There's no one in this world
Like you Jesus
Who can touch a heart like mine
Suddenly it's over
All the cries that's In my heart
It all seems B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L
All consuming by your grace
I may not sing as well as Clay or Ruben
I may not be the cutest guy
I may not look like Leonardo Dicaprio
But I do know one thing ..I
t's you who make me stronger
I need you more than ever
You're the reason why I'm singing for you
It's you who create the wnders
In all my days of struggles
It's your love that surrounds my whole world
Sometimes I cry when I'm lonely
When it all just seems so real
But there's one thing that I can't denyI
s your love that's in my life
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
10:55 PM
I know that you're around
Friday, February 22, 2008
Don't even try to hide
Cus I see you here
I can feel that you miss me
And I'm trying to figure out
How this all started
What are the words to say
If I know, I would tell you
Is this for real don't fool me
I can't wait another day
And I'm slowly going crazy without you here
So I'm gonna close my eyes and count to 10
As I'm waiting patiently
Or I could talk to myself and pretend that you're here
Are you feeling the way I do
I'm gonna close my eyes and count to 10
Maybe I'll see you when I do
I want to be there for you to carry you through
In this life time this is true
This is true
I want to talk to you
Under the starlight
And When the breeze is cold
I'll hold you so tightly
Believing dreams come true
Now it all started
I've found the words to say
That you are my only
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:09 AM
Finally weekend is here have been dragging myself to work for the past 1 week don't have start off my week well but at least it end not in a bad way. I dont really have mood to work for this week just feel like giving up and quit my job and go for a long holiday, but all i have to do is to hold on to it tight and let the week past. I have went for interview again and this time my mind is set of 1 and just that 1 that i am looking for, i really hope for good nice for them.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Watch P.S I love you yesterday lotz of ppls give comment that it's a good and sad show and finally after it's out for so long i get to watch it last night. It's actually quite weird to start of the show by quarrelling but within 15min that main lead actor die. I didnt expect that the rest of the show will be much more touching beside that guy died and i seriously didnt cry alot alot for that show. This show taught me how to treasure ppls around you and listen to each other advice ever thought how unwilling you dont wish you do so.
As I write this letter
Send my love to you
Remember that I'll always
Be in love with you
Treasure these few words
Till we're together
Keep all my love forever
P.S. I love you
You I'll be comin' home again
To you love
Until the day I do love
P.S. I love you
You as I write this letter
Send my love to you
Remember that I'll always
Be in love with you
Treasure these few words
Till we're together
Keep all my love forever
P.S. I love you
You as I write this letter
Send my love to you
Remember that I'll always
Be in love with you
I'll be comin' home again
To you love
Until the day I do love
P.S. I love you
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
10:40 PM
Dilemma :
Sunday, February 17, 2008
A situation that requires a choice between options that are or seem equally unfavorable or mutually exclusive.
Usage Problem A problem that seems to defy a satisfactory solution.
Logic An argument that presents two alternatives, each of which has the same consequence
Caught in a dilemma have to choose something that i might be interested in but dont beneifit me or still stick to the samething but remain stressful and not really happy with it. When given a chance to let go something but there will always be a restricted to it which keep giving me problem and i really damn hate this kind of feeling, feeling so helpless.
I cant frocus of my work today, my heart my mind is not with me. I look just like a zombie who is lack of sleep and walking around in my office, I just be in office for the sake of being in the office. I am not in the mood of doing anything feeling really stress recently and really dont feel like working at this moment. I have interview and interview and too much choice that i cant decide on what i want, i just hope that everything goes well and smoothly so that i dont need to think so much about so manything.
Few days ago just watch a short clip on youtube it's call 'The Letter' by Justin Kan the storyline is about this guy who is a gay and like 1 of his classmate and he end his life because of love. Well in singapore ppls at this moment still cant take gay into part of their like and most of the older gen ppls still have the old concept that they are not normal. I just hope that in near future to come ppls like them will be take into consideration of what is gay rights. It take about 10years for singapore GOV to open a IR and casino here will it take another 10years for them to realise what is gay rights.
This is the link from youtube, story is quite brief but a sad ending; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Du4JkpR6iNg
There is never too late to learn to mistake but it's the matter of time, since mistake is being down we cant turn back the time. There is not right or wrong in life, we are different in everyway we just learn as we move on. Some ppls just dun learn from lesson and mistake and end of the day they realise that they didnt learn anything at all. If you always stay in your own comfort zone you will never learn what others is learn.
There is this song keep repeating and repeating in my mind for the whole day just thinking that why sad song are much easier to remember then happy song.
后来我总算学会了如何去爱
可惜你早已远去消失在人海
后来终于在眼泪中明白
有些人一旦错过就不再
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:40 PM
I dont know
Saturday, February 16, 2008
If I am the one for you in this life
I cant help
Hearing my voice calling your name
Cuz when I
Trying so hard not to look in your eyes
Maybe I
Have fallen in love with you
I cant so describe
How I’m feeling deep inside
So much more than
I can say
With your touch it feels so right
Oh my, you’re so near
All the time in this place
For I know in my heart
I will never let you go
In this lifetime
Do you know why, oh baby
Cause you are just so
Beautiful to me
Well tonight
Maybe this time I can hear you breathe
Its alive
To see you smile with those tears in your eyes
They may say
That you’re just a girl in this spinning world
In my heart
You’re like the world to me
Touch my hand; feel my heart
Hold me close and You’ll find me
You’ll find me
Cause you’re beautiful to me
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
8:41 PM
I have remain low profile these few days, man of a few words i also dont know why maybe feeling stress at work and also lotz of target to meet. I have been doing some thinking as well thinking of what do i want in life, what i actually plan to achive for this year. I hate to think, i hate to choose but haiz.. after all i have to do it as well. I went for the 3rd interview on tue and it turn to be some job that i dont expect to be, i doubt i am taking up this offer cause serious the time that i spend is my office is faster than what i do over there.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Today since i wake up in the morning there is this song keen running in my head and it's just always that moment you cant remember what is the title of it. You just keen humping and singing like an idoit haha.. and of cause that also remind me of someone. There is always a certain time a certain things that you do will generally picture the person face in your mind. I realise that i still living in the delimma and not knowing what i want to do, the kind of feeling of how badly you miss a person is really bad and the worse thing is you cant get to see or talk to the person. The must idiot thing is email and sms also dont really reply, it's just simply i hate you and get out of my life that kind of thingy.
I am planning to ride up to phuket for phuket bike week in april after i recover dont ask me why i do such a silly and stupid thing. I guess it's just for the trail and fun of it and of cause alot friends telling me not to go cause it's very dangerous to do such things. I do take them seriously but i havent actually make up my mind yet as there is alot of things i need to sort it out before decided to go. I miss those time that she used to nag at me asking me not to ride and i also dont know why naturally i will listen to it. I am also cutting down on riding cause lotz of accident case keep happening and i seriously dont want to take such a big risk. I am cutting down doesnt mean that i quit riding haha... so ppls i will still ride and share my riding story with you all.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:36 AM
Baby..Some tears never dry
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
I used to think that we could work it out
I used to think that if we had some problems
I always thought if there was love around
No matter what, I always thought we'll solve it
Now everyday we're in an argument
It's like a circle that don't ever end
We're keeping secrets and we're telling lies
Whatever's wrong, let's make it right
Cause I...I don't wanna say goodbye
Cause my heart couldn't take it
Baby, give me one more try
I don't wanna have to cry
Cause I know if we lose it
Baby, some tears never dry
Now what happened to our movie nights?
Girl, I thought that we would always have them
I used to make you laugh like all the time
Now I don't ever, we got a problem
Lately, you never ask about my day
And on the phone we got nothing to say
I get the feeling something's going on
Whatever's wrong, let's make it right
Let's talk about
A way that we can work it out
Girl, we're running outta time
And the thought of a break up
Is tearing me up inside
We can work it out
If we talk about it
We can show the world
That you and I are fighting for it
We'll get through the worst
And I know we'll make itIf we stay together
We'll make it through alive
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:47 AM
Have you have to choose between 2 things and you cant deicde on what you want cause both of them do have risk to take and are also good in some other ways. I am caught in between choose jobs, i got a new offer today and tomorrow i am going down for the 3rd interview. I also dont know why so many interviews but seriously i am not really so keen in this job not because i dont like what are they doing is just that the risk is much higher than my currently job. There are some mangement problem that why i left with no choice to look for other jobs, i am actually happy with what i am having just that i cant stay for long. I seriously hate to choose things i always ask ppls to make up my mind cause i cant choose between both. I am a greedy person i will rather have the best of both world or i have none, unless someone can tell me the best among the both than i will choose to take that. It's just like choosing between beer & wine, given a choice most of the time i will take beer cause it's easy to drink and after that you will feel refresh. Wine is more classic usually for older ppls, easy to get high, thick and smooth, main point it's non gases. I really dont know what to do so i ask lotz of ppls that i trust to get advice but somehow i have make my mine already.
Saturday, February 09, 2008
I didnt slept well last night went to cath's place for dinner with the sisters & brothers gang, somehow feel like the gathering is more to each of our own instead of mixing around. I still got 2nd round went to my sister's fren place for majong + poker than reach home abt 2+ start sleeping only abt 3+. It's all because of some stupid ppl haiz... come back from HK liao rather waste 1 week of her time msging me rather than use 1 hour of her time to solve her bloodly problem. I seriously dont understand why there are such childish ppls, i am trying to slove the problem and knowing what is going on but that person choose to avoid me. The person always reply something which doesnt answer my qus, i am tired of fright with her if she is happy in the way she live than let her be. I guess i also know the reason why the person was so piss of over haiz... didnt expect she will msg me during cny eve and i was clever enough to show to the person she is refering to.
I also dont know why the fuck i will waste 3 hours frighting with her over smses and all we do is just keep repeating and repeating our story and nobody seem to understand each of our needs. Finally before asleep i ask her some qus that she took real long to answer me but the qus she ask was really hard to reply ever though i do gave her some answer. If someone ask you if you can turn back the hands of time will you hurt the person you love the most again? I anwer back by telling her that if i can do that i will choose to be honest with the person i love the most.
Few more days to V-day,i dont know how many thousand years didnt celebate it already but it doesnt actually matters to me cause if you really love your love ones everything is V-day to them. I just thought of a song which i like it alot, it's also cath & gracie fav... lyrics is meaningful i guess finding back into love is not a easy task, patient is all you need.
Way Back into Love
I’ve been living with a shadow, over head
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud, above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on
I’ve been hiding all my hopes and dreams away
just in case I ever need them again someday
I’ve been setting aside time
to clear a little space in the corners of my mind
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can’t make through without a way back into love
Oh-oh
I’ve been watching
but the stars refuse to shine
I’ve been searching
but I just don’t see the signs
I know that it’s out there
there’s gotta be something for my soul somewhere
I’ve been looking for someone to shed some light
Not somebody just to get me through the night
I could use some direction
and I’m open to your suggestions
All I wanna do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart again
I guess I’m hoping that you’ll be there for me in the end
There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation
All I want to do is find a way back into love
I can’t make it through without a way back into love
And if I open my heart to you
I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
and if you’ll help me to start again
you know that I’ll be there for you in the end
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
1:29 AM
Maybe my intension was wrong i shouldnt have even bother to concern about that matter when i know in the end i will still get it from her. When i received her msg today i dont know how to reply to her i stare at it for a moment and this is the only time i had never reply her msg. In my heart i was thinking i am the person who is there to concern of you being hurt and yet i get this shit from you. This is to teach me a lesson not to be too kpo just mind you own bloody business will do, i dont understand what is she trying to say in her blog when what she write doesnt seem to be like what she speak. I know that person is going to her place for dinner tomorrow so if what she wrote on her blog is refering to her than it sound so funny. I realise that this time she handle her relationship in a very different way, she lower down her pride alot just because of a woman. I guess maybe after tomorrow things will be different again, maybe she will change her mind again to be another person by giving her another chance.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
I guess what dawn have told me was right, maybe i just want to prove to her that why she treat me and that person in 2 different way. Both of us broke her heart but just that i hurt her more and not really being honest with her but other then that both of us are CHEATER!!! Why there is such is big treatment between us, i didnt complain it as unfair but i just can take it as a matter of fact. I learn my lesson after looking at things in a different way i think i realise that i am tired of frighting for the things that i want and i cant hold on to it anymore my patient is up.
It time to reboot the space in my heart, getting off those virues and stop letting them to stay in too long cause it will kill the system in the long run. The box of love had already been seal up long ago and yet every sunday without fail i dont know why i still open it and read it over and over again. I wonder do you do that sometime as well , if you do that is it because you miss those feeling or is it because you just wanna to get rid of them. You know what i guess i am going to seal this box of love up again and i dont want to open them again until you next letter arrive.
10 years ago i did the same thing as what i did in the past and we lost in contact, soon dont know why out of the blue fate bought both of us back again. I didnt treasure on what is being bought to me ever thought you said i have change since the last time we met. Now after so long i am still like before never change to be more senseable, i think i am still as childish and stubborn as before. To make things easily for both of us i think i should just disappear again and just be who am i and live my life as before. Freedom is what i wish for last time when i am in a relationship, i was so in need of it that i have to lie. I hope things will be doing well in your life in future dont get into relationship so easily that is what you told me. I hope you can find someone that you can truely trust and put your who heart to her and she will take care of you for the rest of your life.
P.S : I hope you still remember this song, this lyrics...
XOXO, Sn0w_MaN
I read a note my Grandma wrote back in 1923
Grandpa kept it in his coat and he showed it once to me
He said "Boy, you might not understand but a long long time ago
Grandma's daddy didn't like me none but I loved your Grandma so
We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together
Get married in the first town we came to and live forever
But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet instead
I found this letter and this is what it said"
Chorus:If you get there before I do don't give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I don't know how long I'll beBut I'm not gonna let you down
Darlin' wait and see
And between now and then till I see you again
I'll be loving you
Love, Me
I read those words just hours before my Grandma passed away
In the doorway of a church where me and Grandpa stopped to pray
I know I'd never seen him cry in all my fifteen years
But as he said these words to her his eyes filled up with tears
And between now and then till I see you againI'll be loving you
Love, Me
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:40 AM
I was at sharon's housefor dinner last night, it feel so weird that i am back at her house for dinner again. I was there with dawn & her sis yesterday and i guess dawn do feel the same way as i do. I feel like i am back home when i step into her house the feeling is just like living in yourown comfort zone and no one disturb you. We have steamboat last night and everyone who suppose to be there were there yesterday night. Most of the time i am always the most talktive person in every event and once i talk i cant stop but yesterday night was different i hardly talk maybe becauase things are different now.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
I see that everyone on that table change alot and i think i am the only one who is still remain unchange and childish. I dont think like an adult and i dont behave like an adult also always so childish and demanding . Is me who dont want to change or i just cant change the way i behave, i guess i am a person who always want things to work out my way and never have any 2nd thought for anyone.
I always have this wonderful plan for myself planning to leave sg to aussie and actually someone offer me such thing. I use to hold back due to shannon and my personal realationship cause they make a big part in my life. I cant bear to leave them just for my dream and of cause if i couldnt bring shannon over that will be prefect. I still cant decide on what i want or perhaps i should learn how to grow up first. If i still live in this way i think i will lost out alot of things, maybe i still start from how to learn to give up first and pick myself up again from the start point. I must learn to hold the character of a Sn0w_MaN, it have been so long i didnt actually enjoy myself alone and i guess the time is up and is time to get it right. I should go back to the place where i belong and start to live back to my own life, i shouldnt bother anyone and affect anyone at anymore. memories are traces of tear so let the memories run down as the tears drop. What is the point of living in illusion when the truth is that all this are dream. I try very hard to get back the things that belong to me but i fail lotz and lotz of time, i am tired of trying so i decide to let fate decide on what it should be.
I can see the pain living in your eyes
And i know how hard you try
You deserve to have so much more
I can feel your heart and i sympathize
And i'll never criticize all you've ever meant to my life
I don't want to let you down
I don't want to lead you on
I don't want to hold you back
From where you might belong
You would never ask me why
My heart is so disguised
I just can't live a lie anymore
I would rather hurt myself
Than to ever make you cry
There's nothing left to say but good-bye
You deserve the chance at the kind of love
I'm not sure i'm worthy of
Losing you is painful to me
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
3:35 PM
I thought i was the most cruel person in the world, i lie without ever blinging my eyes or to consider about how my partner but today i found out someone was just as cruel as me. The person leave her shit around and i happen to see it somewhere, i dont know why can she do such stupid thing. Haiz... I hate seeing someone that you love alot is being hurt by her love ones and all you can do is just see her being hurt you can stop it when you try to prevent it is too late already. I am lost at words i dont know what to say i dont know how to talk about how i feel, alot of things keep running through my mind and something i just cant figure out.
Sunday, February 03, 2008
That person is back in sg for 3 days liao no contact from her at all i guess there is nothing to talk about it anymore, maybe my action tell her off everything. I did my part by looking for her high and low but still i cant find it anywhere else. I am tired of seaching so i should just let the things be over, soon the time will take the past away.
You give your hand to me
And then you say hello
And I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me
No you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
Longs to hold you tight
Oh I am just a friend
That's all I've ever been
Cause you don't know me
I never knew the art of making love
No my heart aches with love for you
Afraid and shy I let my chance go by
The chance that you might love me too
You give your hand to me
And then you say goodbye
I watch you walk away beside the lucky guy
Oh you will never know
The one who loves you so
Well you don't know me
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
9:19 PM
You must be thinking that i am crazy i woke up just to read her blog finally after so long everything is over. I dont know whether to be mean to feel happy or being pityful over her and feel sad and sorry. She left xueren for such a young girl and i think nothing cant beat xueren unless she like those childlish and young kido.... After i left her i always think that she finally found she really love alot and seriosly in my whole 10years friendship + relationship with her she have never defended me as much as how she defended karyn. I seriously not being myself whenever she is with karyn and i guess it's just the jealously feeling. I know she is feeling damn sad now guess that she seriously need a shoulder to cry on, she must be very tired from being in & out of relationship. I bet she did cry real hard that night when they broke up, the feeling is just like 3years ago what i did to her. Xueren if you are reading this you are not alone at all maybe i am not the suitable person for you to talk you but you still have cathy & gang. We are all here for you when you just need a pairs of ears to nag or a shoulder to cry on, we share joy & sadness together cause in life what we always say you will never walk alone. This song lyrics is for you something that i that i know that saying goodbye is not easy, dont ever start out again with her cause you say this before once the heart change it will never be the same.
Say Goodbye
Look we gotta talk
Dang I knowI know it's just
It's just...Some things I gotta get of my chest alright....
Yeahhhh...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, oh, whoa...
Listen..Baby come here and sit down, let's talk
I got a lot to say so I guess I'll start by
Saying that I love you,
But you know, this thing ain't been
No walk in the park for us
I swear it'll only take a minute
You'll understand when I finish, yeah
And I don't wanna see you cry
But I don't wanna be the one to tell you a lie so
How do you let it go?
When you,
You just don't know?
What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Everything I tried to remember to say
Just went out my head
So I'ma do the best I can to get you to understand'cause I know
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move'
Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you, it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye
Girl I know your heart is breaking
And a thousand times
I Found myself asking, "Why? Why?"
Why am I taking so long to say this?
But trust me, girl I never
Meant to crush your world
And I never
Thought I would see the day we grew apart
And I wanna know
How do you let it go?
When you,
You just don't know?
What's on,
The other side of the door
When you're walking out, talk about it
Girl I hope you understand
What I'm tryna say.
We just can't go onP
retending that we get along
Girl how you not gonna see it?
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you it's me.
I kinda gotta figure out what I need
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye
Listen to your heartGirl you know,
We should be apart, baby I
I just can't do it
I, I just can't do it
And sometimes it makes me wanna
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
11:27 AM
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