Saturday, December 29, 2007
Finally after 3weeks yesterday i went clubbing haha.... but haiz... didnt dance at all la cause i still can walk properly so only can sit there and be good. Yesterday wascah's hen night, jo arrange at st james / boiler room, not a bad place but just fill up with aunties & uncles. All sisters turn up for it haha... Cath, Jo, Jasmine, Grace, Sharon & Me... well Jo this notti girl bought cath victoria secret as wedding gift haha... ( kp will go wild on his weddding night).
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
I guess after so long when you didnt get to talk to the person it seem like nothing much to talk about every thought how well or how long you have know the person. I was quite happy last night cause after so long finally that person didnt pretend infront of me, she is finally herself yesterday and she behave like how i used to know her in the past. I cant assume that is still love between us but we both know there is no way to be together again. I don't know what wrong with her she is fill up with sn0wflake yesterday from head to toe, hmmm... i was not piss of but just don't feel sn0wman anymore. I didnt wish to ask much about it but i guess mostly should be from that angel la.
I behave myself last night and certainly i am so myself cause i dont nervous anymore when i see her and i dont feel as weird as compare to the past. I know she was quite sian last night as the live band wasnt so good and beside the host and cath wasnt that happy to be there. We actually talk over alot of things from my accident case to her sister's relationship and of cause certain things she have done just remind me of the past when we used to club together. I know at that moment i am living in illusion so i told myself the happy moment only last there and not more after that. Everyone over there know i defence her like nobody business cause i wouldnt let anyone hurt her or trying to be funny. I try not to be over protective cause after all we are not together and i know if i do she will avoid me.
It's weird when Jo didnt leave with us cause we supposed to share a cab back, I took a cab with her and she is uncomfortable with it. She got not much of a choice so we got onto the cab and each of us just sit on 1 of each door end. We still talk and i try not to talk about our past relationship or her current cause we will sure ended up quarrel. The cab ride was fast and seriously i cant bear to leave her i dont know why, not because i want a make up session or more but just feel like catching up with her. I crap up an excuses by asking her for supper but she turn me down, i tried again for 2nd time and she agress but i decided to let her go.
There was not hugz & kisses before she leave (i dont expected that from her), as a gentleman i usually will walk her to the lift or send her up to her place but i know she will reject me. I mean at least she bother to msg me when she is back home, well seriously she is a damn weird person she dont like to talk to me after meet up. She dont reply sms or pick up any calls, she just disappeared after that i also dont know why. I guess it still take sometimes for us to be friend again and well at least we begin to talk. In life there are certain things is too late to regret for wha you have done and is too late to apologize to the damage that you have create for the person. You cant turn back the time to rearrange your life or your relationship, you only can learn your lesson from the past. When you lost something important than you will learn to treasue what you have, no point greiving over the past we have to learn to move on.
I'm holding on your rope, Got me ten feet off the ground
I'm hearin what you say but I just can't make a sound
You tell me that you need me
Then you go and cut me down, but wait
You tell me that you're sorry
Didn't think I'd turn around, and say...It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
I'd take another chance, take a fall Take a shot for you
And I need you like a heart needs a beat But it's nothin new
I loved you with a fire red
Now it's turning blue, and you say..."Sorry" like the angel heaven let me think was you
But I'm afraid...It's too late to apologize, it's too late
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, it's too lateI said it's too late to apologize, it's too late
It's too late to apologize, yeah
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah
I'm holdin on your rope, got me ten feet off the ground...
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
3:37 PM
There is a different viewing in different things when you are sober and when you are drunk and after so many drunk incident i still prefer to be drunk than sober. It's not because you can do what you want after you are drunk it's just that at least you know that at that point you are living in illusion. You do not need to worry about so much after you are drunk. When you are sober the most you will only encounter hangover in the morning but you will hardly remember what happen last night. I have know and hear too many things that i don't wish to hear when i am sober and it's really kill me cause this is the time you will see the true colour of that person. It's the time you will get hurt the most and you actually don't wish that to happen but you just can prevent it to happen.
Monday, December 17, 2007
I seriously don't understand why izzit so hard to be your ownself when you are with the person you love, why do we have to pretend and hide and make things ugly after that. I knew that my secret affair with that person will never last long and perhaps this is call karma or maybe due to trust issue we cant take in the fact the he/she is such a person. I don't blame the person for doing that cause it's a way to protect herself from being hurt but i guess this time round i have the right to say that i am being treat unfairly cause i didnt hurt the person at all. I hate guess game and i hate choosing between things, i want an answer i don't want a perhaps. I feel that in a relationship you have to be happy with the person and also being honest as well. Someone once told me this: You need to be honest in order for people to trust you and if you want me to trust you than you have to be honest with me. I did my part for being honest after reading this but in the end it turn out to be the person is not being honest with me. I didnt take it in heart cause i know everything happen do have a reason behind but i just hate it when you cant decide what you actually want in life. I guess something i think that i am falling too deep into the hole where i cant ever find myself inside and i believe to climb out from this hole is not easy cause it's something that you don't wish to let go.
I hate the feeling of being stuck at something that i can slove it and the worse part is ever the person who create this problem also unable to solve it. I seriously dont know how to handle this maybe it's me who actually dont want to face the realilty and wish that thing can carry on like this way unaffected. I guess i need sometimes to think about this problem and since my fren is over their with the person to help me to slove whatever problem the person have than i shouldnt disturb them. I dont know what did my fren tell that person about me or anything since they met but well i got nothing much to hide about things. If you think i do have things to hide tell me right at my face dont do small actions and make it since like it's my fault when i dont ever do anything wrong in the 1st place. Think about what you want in life before you start sloving thing, i believe talking out will be the best things to slove the problem.
I would just like to say
Maybe for the very last time
Just let go of everything
I guess this is the time
Maybe you've changed
Maybe the feeling is lost
Should we meet again
Please don't ask about the feelings that i left behind
About what we left behind
Leaving your dreams behind
Open your heart to the times we had together
Maybe you've changed
Maybe the feeling is lost
Don't you ask again
Just keep all your regrets with you
Just forget all the love you gave me
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
5:54 PM
haha... i am in process to recover soon now i can hop without using crutches liao and tue i will be going to check up hope that the doctor will give me good news about my leg. My right shoulder now can move but cant carry heavy stuff and do big action hand and which mean that i cant go training for a period of time. Haiz.... *sob sob* i want training, i want sun tanning and i want to ride my bike haiz.... I am so glad that i got a bunch of good friends around me ppls like cath, gracey,sharon,jasmine,jo, joyce,huiting, my bike frens and etc... really show me lotz of care and concern. I just feel guilty for the mistake that i made and i am certainly oweing alot of ppls really big time. Ppls who send me to hospital, ppls who visit me, ppls who call up and concern about me and ppls that clear up all mu shit at home and at work. I guess i really grow really fat for the 2 weeks at home and this actually show me how izzit like to be at home the whole day. It's actually a good feeling to be at home the whole day to do things that you feel like doing, eat and sleep anytime you want.
I went back to office to clear some email that on friday and really see that my partner candice really busying clearing my shit, haiz... i am really sorry about that i will be back on xmas eve k. I also being quite upset over certain things and that person i mean i seriously dun understand what can make a person happy and dun need to worry about tomorrow. I hate the feeling of being sad and being hate but i mean no matter what i always put my happiness 1st than come the sadness. I have done my part and say what i should say and i dun blame the for anything it's her choice and she prefer to choice it this way than i am fine with it. You cant have the best of both world so at the end of the day you still have to know what you want the best for yourself. If someone ask you will you give up everything have just for the person? what will your answer be? Will you think before answering or will you just answer right away? Is you answer truely from the bottom of your heart or you just want to say something that the person want to hear? Nobody have the right to judge what you done or say, nobody know what is gonna happen in the next moment. I just all i have to say is to treasure what you have now before losing it ago, i have lose it once and i dun wish to make my mistake again. I have be really crazy of this and i am going to make it prefect.I dun care do i get anything in return at the end of the day but as long as i did my part and i feel that the person is happy that will be good enough. I really hope that thing will be different soon as i cant take it anymore longer.
I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded by the white light
I can't remember how
I can't remember why
I'm lying here tonight
And I can't stand the pain
And I can't make it go away
No I can't stand the pain
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
Everybody's screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I'm slipping off the edge
I'm hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again
So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can't explain what happened
And I can't erase the things that I've done
No I can't
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I've got no where to run
The night goes on
As I'm fading away
I'm sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
2:25 AM
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