Saturday, January 28, 2006
It was a devastating news,
Sunday, January 22, 2006
I knew it would happen one day....
But no so soon.
It have been one month since we last said goodbye,
How could she just carry on her life like this.
The night when it all ended Jan - 09,2006
She had cried herself hoarse.
Yes, It was my fault, If i really love her i wouldnt do this to her.
From that very moment, i knew we could never be back together again.
I know i could never face her again.
We met at her fav hang out 2 days after the broke up,
she totally change like a complete stranger.
My heart riot for her when she is not home till next morning.
I was just a nobody in her heart, it doesnt matter to her.
I went to her place for a few time, trying to see how is she doing.
When she is sick, i couldnt be the one there for her.
She doesnt wanna to to msg me or ever receive my call,
probably this is the only way to get away from me.
Fine, by all means the turth is, deep down, I cared.
We exchange a few polite"Hi, How are you?"greeting.
For the first time in 3years ,we were so formal to each other.
No more "hi darling" or " love you darling"
It was bizarre
Yet it never escaped me that she done it for good.
Ours was like a mirror shattered to a thousand pieces, damage complete.
Soon i guess we will lost touch again.
I wouldnt know whether she missed me,
but i thought of her alot.
Like when i ride xiao hong to work,
When i am home with shannon,
When i hit on my bed each night,
And when i travelled alone.
I used to cry, but not for this moment
But memories of me and her flash back through my mind.
I i couldnt hold back sometimes and i broke down to cry.
I guess she should be living happily without me around,
No more burden to carry around.
I know sooner or later i will break her heart,
And on the day i decided to tell her the truth i have never expect her forgiveness.
It was the final nail in the coffin, must well let her know the truth.
Knowing her so well that she will hate me, I wouldnt want to hold on for long
But i still wouldnt be gracious enough to say she deserves someone better.
Neither will i be crazy enough to call her for another chance.
I no longer have a place in her heart,
whether i cry or die, her life so goes on as usual.
Unaffected
Cry? nah... no more crying , i wan her to know that i am strong
Scream? No point no one care
Hide? what for? is a way of showing i am a crowad
I have to move on my life
I have to accept the painful truth,tuck it under my pillow and live my life
It all started from me, i have to face the fact that she is out of my life.
I thought of our happy moments, our 1st trip to bangkok
our first month together, the art pieces that she drew for me.
The book of love that i gave her, all this things is still left in my heart.
I thought of her laughter, Her beautiful eyes and her lovely smile.
I missed her for one last time.
And then slowly i come to grips with the fact that
she is going to sharing her life with someone else.
That book of love that i gave her when we were once together was just a-book
Slowly the pain that i have, start to drift away
And soon it wouldnt hurt anymore
No matter hoe devastating it once was.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
3:04 AM
Today we suppose to together for 3yrs2mth haiz... time pass so fast this time i didnt get to get her msg of telling me that she love me. I didnt get to listen o her lovely voice and see her cutie face, it have been 3weeks since she left me i feel so meaningless in life. It seen like i have short of something, i got into accident recently told her about it but i think she also dont care about it. I really dont know what to do just hope that she wouldnt be angin with me anymore, i know that what have done was wrong i don expect that she need to forgive me but at least dont ignore me. I miss her miss her alot alot; i want to see her but i couldnt, i ask her come for the bangkok trip but i guess she wouldnt want to come along the problem jus lay on me. She hate me,hate me like no one else, all i can say i am sorry; I didnt mean to hurt you. All i hope for is that you will change you mind to go for the trip, is ok that you hate me but dont hate shannon k, take good care of yourself when i am not around be a good bao bao... k
Thursday, January 12, 2006
First time I saw you girl,You turn me upside down
I can't stop thinking bout you My head is spinning round
I got to find away to get with you somehow
Girl I'm so crazy for you You know I want you now
And every minute of every single day I'm dreaming of how it could be
And everynight before I go to sleepI 'm praying that soon you'll be here with me
Heaven, heaven oh heaven can't you help I looked in her eyes now she's all I see
Heaven oh heaven can't you help me I'm down on my knees please help me
Cant fall alseep tonightI don't know what to doI hold my pillow but I wanna be holding you
And when close my eyes I always see your face I know my happiness is only kiss away
And every hour here in the dark Everyday of my lonely heart
Tells me that I need to be with you Heaven oh heaven what can I do
Heaven, heaven oh heaven can't you help me I'm giving my love for eternity
Heaven oh heaven can't you help meI'm down on my knees help me
Girl I'd give anything if you were here with me Give anything you want and anything you need
I never thought that I could feel the way I do
But now I wanna spend the rest of my with you
And every day that we are apart I'm shedding this love here in my heart
And everynight before I go to sleepI'm praying that soon you'll be here with me
Heaven, heaven oh heaven cant you help me I looked in her eyes now shes all I see
Heaven oh heaven cant you help meI'm down on my knees please, heaven heaven....
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
7:27 PM
She finally left me for good, i am a unless and dishonest person in her life, she hate me i know. I know i cant get her forgiveness now or in future cause i really disappointed her till the core, i belive she that i should be the 2nd person that she hate so much in life. I am the one who ruin away the all chances that i have, i am gaving so many chances but i jus didnt cherish it at all. I jus take her for granted and i always think that everything i do is always rite nothing is wrong but after all my thinking was totally wrong. I know this thing gonna happen no matter what it's jus soon or later thingy cause i think there is really no must trust and love between us, i am sorry to make you suffer for so long. I should jus let you go and make you happy, I wish that we could be together again but i know is inpossible and i guess not ever fren again .I know it take time maybe a few year i guess, I am really sorry for my action and what i want to say is that you really woke me up from my dream that night, after that big quarrel . I only reliase than how important you are to me , There is no point to explain much cause what i know was i hurt the bao badly, this is beyond cure i know. Thank for being in my life all this while, i was so silly that i didnt cherish you that much will till i lost you. I am sorry if sometimes when you need me the most i wasnt there for you, When you need me to share the joy with you i also wasnt there for you. I dont wan you to be sad in future or should i say maybe you wouldnt be ever sad over me, cause you expect it to be this rite at the end rite. Pls do not throw always the book of love jus take it as it's a dairy from me to you, do take care of yourself when i am not around. I know after breakup i still so nagging but i wan you to know how much i am concern about you, pls wake up on time for school or work, dun club till so late at night everytime and most important is dun drink too much and eat your meal regualarly. I know i have no rite to say anything or control your life cause you are not my bao anymore,but i am here as a fren to concern about you. I would do what i did to KY last time to you cause i dun wan you to hate me ever deeper, I make promise myself i will be good from 2006 onward. It's jus a small wish that i wish for myself well i hope that it wouldnt be another empty promise. Life is abit hard for me to move on now as you are not around, really not use to it sometime ,W hen i dunno what to do or wear and no one give me advise, no one will ask me where am i or am i going home. No one will sing me song before i sleep and most important is you have walk out of my life. I am jus a phone call away anything if u happen to need me pls give me a call i am always there for you, and if you could promise something will be good pls help me take care of shannon if i happen to be out of town. You know no one else can do it as good as you, pls do me this big favor if i really happen to be away. I think most of the things i wan to say to you is all over here, pls take care of yourself in future, pls dun bu li wo when the next time we meet again.
Friday, January 06, 2006
**** Love You Always****
I read a note by my grandma wrote
back in 1923
grandpa kept it in his coat
and he showed it once it to me
he said, boy, you might not understand
but a long, long time ago...
grandma's daddy didnt lilke me none
but i love your grandma so
When have this crazy plan to meet
and run away together
get married in the first town we come to
and live forever
but nailed to the tree where we suppose to meet instead
I found this letter
and this is what it's said
if you get there before i do
dont give up on me
I'll meet you when my chores are through
I dont know how long I'll be
but I'm gonna let you down
Darling wait and see
amd between now and then
till I see you again
I'll be loving you, Love me
I read those words just hours before
my grandma pass away
In the doorway of the church
where me and grandpa stoppe to pray
I know I've never see him cry
In all my 15 years
BUt as he said these words to her
His eyes fill up with tears
Between now and then
till I see you again
I'll loving you
Love me
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
3:50 AM
I lost you, but i found you again time and time again you give me all the chance that i long for but now i no longer being love by you. I fail to kept my promise and i fail to give the trust, the love that you have for me always cant make it stay at my heart. I felt so guilty that things just goes wrong so decided to admit to you cause i know i love you so, i shouldnt have cheated you in the first place since i say that i love you. i dont know why i did it but i didnt know what i was doing, the feeling of losting someone that i love the most in my life really hurt me alot alot. The day that i dont wan it to happen and it's happening now, i hate this unlove feeling from you. I know you dont wish to see me, or hear anything anything about and the best thing is i should just leave you alone rite ? I tell you my beloved diva i cant so this to you, i felt so sad and painful when i know you are sick now and i cant take care of you. I dont want you to get hurt again, i wan to be there to take care of you to share my joy and happiness with you. I promise you that if you forgive me again i wouldnt do anything thing that disappointed to you again, i promise i wouldnt keep any empty promises to you. Pls darling let me love you again, i need you badly in life i really got no mood to carry on in doing anything. I am what i have done for the pass 3 years was wrong i need you to forgive me, i really really change to the good little snowman jus like any good little children pls pls pls forgive me.
i skated in the lonely world ...quiet and undisturbed at
12:52 AM
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